Traci

Turkish Rugs

2011-08-27T11:15:00.000-04:00

One will quickly learn when visiting Turkey that carpet salesman have the same reputation that car salesman do in the US. Those who are not carpet salesman don't always have the highest respect for them and there is a healthy skepticism that travelers should take when considering purchasing a carpet.

HOWEVER, Julianne and I actually found that the carpet salesmen we met were some of the nicest, most genuine, down to earth folks that we met while we were there.

It could be that we are naive

It could be that business is particularly slow right now

It could be that the folks we met were unique

It could be that often our perceptions of others are not correct

Maybe its a combo

Any how, I did purchase a carpet while in Urgup and it just arrived at our house yesterday!

You need to know that my decision to purchase this was not an easy one and quite a saga for the afternoon we spent ducking in and out of the shops on our favorite tiny street.

If you know anything about Matt and I, we don't really like to spend money on ourselves and if we are making major purchases, we usually take weeks if not months to make a decision about it. I only had about six hours to decide what to do and wasn't sure what Matt would think... There was a 7 hour time difference to take into consideration, but we actually did end up talking in the afternoon and I felt better about buying the rug... however, the pit in my stomach for the 4ish hours before talking to my husband made me a slightly irritable traveling companion. Thanks Julianne for respecting me need for silence on the issue :)

That afternoon we met a man who played the "Saz"-- similar to a guitar, you can kind of see in the pic above (Serdar was one of the older gentleman's students). Anyways, in the carpet shop 3 older gentleman busted out an authentic Turkish diddy (Saz, bongo drum and wooden spoons).

They played

I danced

Julianne cried happy tears

I bought the carpet

**I only purchased one carpet, but we met several other carpet salesman in each of the cities and I will write more about those encounters later.

Topkapi Palace & The Hagia Sophia

2011-08-20T20:37:00.000-04:00

Not quite time adjusted, I woke up on Day 1 very early and very hungry... and quickly found out that not much happens in Istanbul before 8AM. I took a brief stroll through the same crowded streets we were on the night before only to find them empty and a few people sleeping on couches inside the cafes.

Thankfully, a bakery resided just around the corner from our hostel and I popped in to get some bread. It kind of looked like a soft pretzel, but was much better and was coated in sesame seeds. Yum!

Finally others started rousing and we enjoyed some breakfast where me met a very sweet gal from England, Emily. She was waiting her for her boyfriend to arrive later that day so she joined Julianne and I for our morning exploration... Topkapi Palace was our first stop.

I don't pretend to know much about the significance of this place, but I can tell you that it is very popular (as you can see by the mass of people walking through the gate). Some pretty important people lived here at some point.

We liked to imagine how it would have been as children running through these large gardens with your very own breathtaking view of the Bosphorus each day...

Just outside the palace walls we found the famous Hagia Sophia. Now, this was one of my favorite 'museums' that we explored... let me explain why.

1) IT WAS HUGE!! -- really it was built to be the largest church cathedral by (can't remember) in I think the 6th century.

2) IT OOZED RELIGIOUS TENSION: I will explain this in the next few pictures.

3) IT WAS THE FIRST SITE WE WENT IN: After seeing a bunch of different buildings and mosques, my interest level waned a bit.

When the Hagia Sophia was in its Christian hay day there were magnificent frescoes artfully covering the walls. These frescoes all included Jesus, some with the Virgin Mary and others with some of the Apostles. This particular one has the emperor (I believe) bowing down to Jesus' feet. To me, this is a beautiful expression of humility and how we are meant to worship the Lord.

However, in the 13th/14th century a new Muslim empire conquered Constantine and took over the Hagia Sophia as their place of worship and power. These frescoes were covered over and almost lost completely. Gaining control was a sign to them that God was with them and was fulfilling some of the prophesies they believed in. (I can't remember exactly what it was, but it had something to do with the sun and the view of the world... which is perfect from this location).

**On a lighter note, there were cats EVERYWHERE in Turkey and the Hagia Sophia was no exception. President Obama apparently pet his particular cat when he visited Turkey.

Now the building is more of a museum than a mosque, a palace or a cathedral, but it contains elements of all of these things and they are all right on top of each other... this was quite striking.

This seat was for the emperor... I place of power and some people have considered emperors gods themselves. Behind this seat, you can see the Arabic writing on the black paint, which I have no idea what it says, but there were large black paintings similar to these strategically placed around the ceiling of the building.

*And, you can see another cat!

We walked about 20 feet and found this gate that signifies the direction of Mecca. When the building was a mosque the people would say their prayers facing in this direction.

However, the fresco revealed above it is of the Virgin Mary holding baby Jesus. It was almost as if Jesus was watching the mix of power, Islam and Christianity... it was comforting, powerful, and a bit eerie.

We walked throughout the rest of the structure taking in the history and art before heading out to explore some more of Istanbul. Quite a full morning.

Relating with a good friend

2011-08-19T17:52:00.000-04:00

Not only did Julianne and I spend our time experiencing and learning an new culture, we also connected deeply and shared important aspects of our lives with one another. One of thing things that we discussed and I have been contemplating recently is femininity and what it means to be a woman... this has been something that I have struggled with my entire life.

I'm not quite sure why my journey with these issues has been more challenging than most, but it might have something to do with some of the following... wanting to be so much like my brother, idolizing my father, never wanting to be too emotional, experiencing emotional and sexual abuse, struggling with my body image, being married to a wonderful man, having a hard time starting a family and being part of Christian community where my views don't necessarily align on gender roles...

what is a girl to do?

Well, thankfully when Julianne was moving to Armenia she left me with a box of books that have been in my extra bedroom since I got them. I knew I was going to be on a plane for at least a day, so I needed something to read and I picked up the book, "Ruby Slippers" by Jonalyn Grace Fincher.

I ate up the first third of the book on my way to Istanbul and then continued to read it as we traveled throughout the country. Although, I may not agree with every word, reading this book was like drinking a tall glass of water for my soul. I passed it back to Julianne when I was finished and ordered another copy for myself. I am now looking for other daring women of faith to help me process some of this further. Any takers???

Thanks to Julianne for processing so much of life with me already!

Getting Acclimated

2011-08-19T17:38:00.000-04:00

After our relaxing dinner we wandered around town to get our bearings and take in some of the night life. One big tourist attraction is to see "The Whirling Dervishes"... this photo is as close as we got, as going to one of the shows is fairly expensive and the dancing is supposed to be meant for a religious ceremony rather than a gawking audience. Its still hard for me to picture such a stoic human whirling around... I guess I'll never really know how they do it.

Do you want to smoke some shisha? (Water pipe) We partook only twice while we were there. Apple-mint and Watermelon Flavors. I will say that the first couple breaths taste exactly like a jolly rancher, but then the tobacco starts to sink in and its not quite so yummy.

Before heading back to our hostel (Tulip Guest House) for the night we hit the shopping scene. All around there were a variety of 'pants', skirts, and dresses... I thought this looked like a one piece, but apparently most people wear it as pants. Julianne thought this was hilarious and so did the store owner. However, (to my credit) I will say that I saw a another woman trying on the same thing in the same way... she was also a shorty!

*A word on the hostel-- We very much enjoyed our stay at the Tulip. Matin & Enis were welcoming and helpful. In fact, Matin was the one who took us to see how the locals hang out. He thought it was odd that I would rather have wine than smoke, and I settled on drinking sage tea that evening.

However, the accommodations were simple. Julianne and I had our own room, but it was quite small and we shared a bathroom and shower with the other guests (which was never a problem).

There were 3 floors and the stair well was rather tight and scary for someone who stumbles. *I do not think they have the same building codes that we have in the US... But, breakfast looked out over the Bosphorus and held a beautiful view for our morning wake up session.

Istanbul with Julianne

2011-08-19T17:08:00.000-04:00

After taking a long hiatus from blogging, I am have been re-inspired by my recent travels through the amazing country of Turkey. I hope to give you a glimpse into the very special adventure that Julianne and I got to share 7 time zones away... yes, I am still recovering.

My husband was a little nervous about how two beautiful women would fair in a foreign country, but the reality was that the worst of the harassment I received was by an American at the DC Airport before even leaving for the trip... Drunk men are not attractive, nor do listen very well when you remind them several times that you are married... Thankfully this was the only sketchy encounter I faced.

We stayed in the "Sultanahmet" region of Istanbul, which is pretty much code for "Tourist Area". We could walk to all of the major historical and religious museums and sites, which was very convenient, but not necessarily "authentic Turkey". We did meet some locals who helped us discover what Turkey was all about though and I realized that I might be more of a 'tourist' that I would like to admit...
1) My luggage says "American Tourist" on the label
2) I wanted to go to a cafe that served alcohol, food, and where you could smoke hooka (or shisha) - apparently the one stop shops are only for tourists, Turks only drink tea when they smoke the hooka (which just about everyone does).

The first night Julianne enjoyed great conversation over a delicious meal at the Metropolis Cafe. It was such a joy to connect with one another and discuss our lives while sipping good wine and watching cultures collide in front of us.

Anger and Judgement

2010-11-30T08:26:00.000-05:00

One of the main things that I struggle with God on is the wrath issue and how, especially in the Hebrew Scriptures, God chooses to deal with sin and rebellion... often from my perspective God seems 'mean'.

I am currently reading Amos...

Then, last night I went to a meeting with other folks who are working to combat human trafficking, specifically trafficking children for sex. This happens in Raleigh. There were several points in the meeting where I wanted to burst into tears or hit someone.

The sheer reality of our sin and brokenness is overwhelming.

And we are all a part of it.

I wonder if these reactions in my soul were a tiny glimpse into the heart of God. Sin leads to death... real consequences now... we can see it all around us... God intended a different reality... God wants to make things new...

I can't even begin to understand the anger and sorrow that our creator must feel.

Justice needs to happen.

We need to be a part of that.

Amos reminded the people of Israel and Judah, "Away with your noisy hymns of praise! I will not listen to the music of your harps. Instead, I want to see a mighty flood of justice, an endless river of righteous living." (5:23-24)

God was pretty much telling them that if things didn't change

they were going to be intensely wiped out.

I'm thankful that through Jesus we are forgiven already, but now we are somehow a part of God's plan for reconciliation... and Jesus will come back and judge later...? I still have a lot of questions on how all of this fits together...

I am content with the mystery.

For now.

But, what I do know is that our sin is serious and its important to deal with it.

Lets us this Advent Season to reflect and prepare for our Lord and King to come.

How might we be floods of justice and an endless river or righteous living?

My new "oranges"

2010-11-29T08:51:00.000-05:00

I just discovered what I like to call M NEW ORANGES...

Some of you may remember the paper I wrote about Oranges... I wrote it for my college applications and maybe another one for an essay in English class or a testimony or something like that...

Anyways, the gist of it was... I was having one of those no good, very bad days, UNTIL... I bit into a delicious orange that awoke my senses and gave me a fresh perspective on the joy of flavor and brightened my day...

Its the little things :)

Then, in college I was kind of ANTI- Flowers, especially via boyfriends... so my roommates gave me a bouquet of oranges wrapped in packing paper for my birthday. It was beautiful and DELICIOUS!

So, what could take the ORANGES place...

Amazing Pomegranates!

There is just something fabulous about biting into one of those seeds that brings a smile to my face: EVERY SINGLE TIME!! How did all of that powerful juice get in there? Its totally worth making your kitchen counter look like a massacre occurred to get to the beautiful pellets of delight.

If you haven't tried one before... just do it. You will be amazed! But, be careful not to squirt the juice in your eye because according to my father in law during our Thanksgiving meal... it stings a lot!

What little things bring you joy??

Reminders of Grace

2010-11-27T09:58:00.000-05:00

In the midst of reading through Kings and Chronicles in the Hebrew Scriptures I was getting a little frustrated and disappointed in God and the people of Israel and Judah.

Every story seemed to include destruction... smiting people for disobedience, lots of pain, seemingly arbitrary hardship, overwhelming pride, all ending in judgment...

I was having a hard time reconciling the how the God I believe in, represented mainly through Jesus and the stories of redemption could be the same yesterday, today and forever; if these stories are true...

Does this every happen to you? You find something out about God or life that doesn't quite make sense? You don't know what to do with it? You aren't sure if you buy the whole package?

Well, it does to me.

So, I usually just start talking to God about it... "What the heck? How do you expect me to make sense of this?"... then with a subtle act of grace the next item on my reading plan is: Jonah.

You should read it yourself, but this cute video is another way to get the picture.

The story of Jonah from Corinth Baptist Church on Vimeo.

I'm sure there are many layers and points to this story... but, for me it was simple reminder from the Holy Spirit... "I am full of Grace and desire repentance."

I heard God saying...

"See, I AM, the same yesterday, today and forever. I have always wanted forgiveness, I have always provided ways for people to repent and am in the business of using people, like you, my child, to make things new. You see, its not so much about the destruction as it is about the recognition of who I am and the sweetness of grace that humans encounter when they turn to me. Don't count me off... I am the same, and so are people... all forget me or push me aside, but I am longing to embrace them (and go way out of my way to provide a way for this to happen)... even for the scary ones from Nineveh, even for the self centered prophets like Jonah, even for you and your friends."

And now a lighter one :)

2010-11-24T09:03:00.000-05:00

I figured that since I haven't written any blogs in a while, I should go ahead and get a bunch out of the way while I am on this website ;) Don't feel like you have to read them all in one sitting!

Seriously thought I have back logs of journals and pictures from our recent trip to California that I want to post and some Halloween Party fun that merits some blog shout outs... I blame facebook

Anyways, I just wanted to let all of my faithful readers out there (all 5 of you) how awesome my pear, asiago, rosemary scones turned out! I am not a regular or confident baker, so when things come out just right I get really excited. I even altered the recipe just a bit and got a hint of honey on the top that just adds that extra pop to make them stand out.

From Southern Living Dec. issue:

Preheat oven to 450

Mix 2 cups flour, 1 tbsp baking powder, 1/2 tsp salt, 3/4 cup finely chopped pear, 1/2 cup grated asiago cheese together in a large bowl.
Cut in 1/2 cup cold butter and mix together until it looks like the consistency of peas
Freeze for 5 minutes
Mix 1 tbsp finely chopped rosemary and 3/4 cup plus 2 tbsp whipping cream.
Pour cream into flour mix and stir until moist
Place dough on wax paper and form into desired square/rectangle (about 1- 1/2 inch thick)
Cut into desired sizes and place on lightly greased baking sheet
Brush with extra whipping cream and drizzle with honey
Bake for 13-15 minutes

YUM! There are 8 other varieties in the magazine... I may just try the chocolate chip ones next.

What are you excited about making for Thanksgiving this year?

Questions

2010-11-24T08:53:00.000-05:00

Although I do have an overwhelming sense of Shalom & Serenity this morning... I still have a lot of questions.

Another part of my time with the Lord includes reading scripture. For the past 6 months or so I have been doing this chronological bible study... basically where you read through the whole bible in chronological order... Did you know that its not actually set up that way? Go figure it would be confusing :)

Well, the reading plan I got is helping by putting things in somewhat of an order for me. The bible is reading more like a narrative now.
A story about God and God's people.

I am loving seeing how things fit together, but boy do I have A LOT OF QUESTIONS!!
Some of them I am even hesitant to ask out loud.
I shouldn't still be wondering all of this stuff, right?
Maybe I'll never know the answers...

I have been considering starting a new blog, just about questions... I'm sure you have them too... would that be interesting?

One question that I faced today was, "Did the folks in these times (I am currently in the middle of 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles and will be reading Jonah tomorrow) experience serenity? How? Where do I see this? Where don't I? How come? What does this mean? Anything?"

I do find that in the Psalms, in the midst of anguish there is a sense of trust and hope. I wonder if that is a piece of Shalom shining through??

Serenity/ Shalom

2010-11-24T08:30:00.002-05:00

Each morning I try to spend some time with Jesus reflecting, praying, reading and listening. Sometimes I can't shut off my brain enough to focus and other times the peace of just being still washes over me...

This morning was one of those days.

I was given a devotional book, "Daily Strength for Daily Needs" that simply includes daily verses, poems, prayers, and thoughts from people over the centuries. There is something beautiful about connecting with women and men who have served Christ faithfully and abundantly from long before I was even around... humbling, perspective giving, and grace filled.

Its not that a specific quote stood out to me today; rather that the Holy Spirit sent a gift of serenity to my soul. Just an overwhelming presence of peace.

Then serenity prayer came to mind...

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. One day at a time. Amen

Although, this prayer is often used for addicts and in recovery. I believe that living into this reality can wash over the anxious places of our hearts. It prompts me to walk in confidence that nothing is too big for God or too scary to face.

I am thankful that our Creator desires Shalom-- presence of peace-- and that in some moments we get to taste it... all things being made right around us and in us.

This Thanksgiving Holiday take some time to embrace serenity...

Where might God be bringing you to a new level of courage and wisdom?

Where can you find serenity in the often hectic moments of our broken world?

By doing this, we might end up tasting a bit more than turkey... we just might taste the Kingdom of God! Delicious!!

Tears are powerful

2010-09-30T08:38:00.000-04:00

The rain we are having in Raleigh echos the way that my tear-ducts have been feeling over the past month... a severe emptying. For a long time in my life I saw tears as weakness and difficult feelings as "non Christlike" somehow I was supposed to be able to walk through life without pain, and the pain that I did have was only helpful if stuffed way down inside until I could see the beauty of it.

Ya know where that left me, almost dead! When I was 21-22 I entered inpatient treatment for an eating disorder and got lots of therapy and help to deal with these misconceptions of truth. I grew and learned a ton and since then my life has not been easy, but has been full of pain and joy in many ways. I love it!

What I didn't realize is that I thought the learning I did then was complete. I thought that I now had wisdom and insight to share with others and that my family was fixed and my ability to express and understand myself was fixed... I knew that I needed to continue to be honest with my symptoms, but didn't think I had more emotional work to do... I had already done so much!

Well, Jesus has an alternative plan for my spiritual growth. I just can't escape the depths of God's desire for me to experience life to the full, which includes tears. I am currently leading a study on a book, The Emotionally Healthy Church, by Peter Scazzero and came across this exceprt from the Chronicles of Narnia:

Eustace, a young boy, becomes a big, ugly dragon as a consequence of being selfish, stubborn, and unbelieving. Now he wants to change and go back to being a little boy, but he can't do it himself. Eventually the great lion Aslan (representing Jesus) appears to him and leads him to a beautful well to bathe. But since he is a dragon, he can't enter the well.
Aslan tells him to undress. Eustace remembers that he can cast off his skin like a snake. He takes off a layer by himself , dropping it to the ground, feeling better. Then as he moves to the pool, he realizes that there is yet another hard, rough scaly layer still on him. Frustrated, in pain, and longing to get into the beautiful bath, he asks himself, "How many skins do I have to take off?"
After 3 layers, he gives up, realizing he cannot do it. Aslan then says, "You will have to let me undress you." To which Eustace replies:

I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desparate now. So I just lay flat down on my back and let him do it. The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right to my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt... Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off-- just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt-- and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft... The he caught hold of me... and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again... After a bit the lion took me and dressed me... with his paws... in these new clothes I'm wearing.

I'm sure that I am not done shedding layers, but its amazing to see the beauty in the pain and not to run from it. I don't like to doing the hard work of letting Jesus take away my darkest parts, but I will continue to do that and can think of no better way to live.

Can a large female please sing for me?

2010-08-31T15:18:00.001-04:00

Its been months since I've written here, but our latest saga merits more than the characters I can fit in "What's on my mind" on facebook...

Words, where are they when you need them?? I am finding myself at a loss to express the emotional roller-coaster we have been through over the several days... let me see if I can go for it...

Waiting to close on the Culter house... everything seems to be a go, just waiting on the final details. Anticipating a great deal in a great neighborhood...

Ring Ring... "Hi Robyn Marshall" (AKA-- Amazing Real Estate Agent with Keller Williams)

"Hi Traci. Hope you are doing well... we have a few updates and I just want to keep you informed on where we are in the process..."

**At this point the deal was that we were going to need to rent to the seller after closing for a few days-- No big deal from our end at this point**

BTW-- Do you see this amazing kitchen (both Matt and I can be in there at the same time :))

Tuesday, Aug 24-- My emotions-- desire to control, excitement, anticipation, longing for our new house, willing to be patient-- in my mind I thought... lets close early and get this guy out of there...

Wednesday, Aug. 25-- I woke up and went for a long run (training for a half marathon) and ran by the new house... up until this point I must confess that I have had a very bad attitude towards the seller and the situation. Prayer is a big part of my runs and I was able to actually release those feelings of anger and bitterness as I passed by the house and started feeling a sense of peace about the whole thing and that made for a great day... I thought I was going to be able to walk from here on out drama free...

La de da... on my way to home group...

Ring, Ring: "Hi Robyn" (AKA fabulous and hardworking woman who got this thing taken care of!)

"Hi Traci, I just have few updates for you and want to let you know what is going on..."

**At this point I pulled my car over... Apparently we might be in jeopardy of losing the house. Shady Loan Shark for the Seller was continuing to change and update the amount our Seller owed him... more than what we were willing to pay**

"Okay", I thought to myself, "Its gonna be okay." Robyn and the other agents and lawyers involved are working on this and it seems like the logical decision to sell us this house for all involved. I'll keep a positive attitude.

**We might loose this beautiful staircase and chandelier**

Being an external processor I start running mouth on all of the possible scenarios, but am trusting that it will work out the way it 'supposed to' (whatever that means).

**Have I mentioned yet that we have renter moving into our Peebles house on Sept. 15th?** Thankfully that sense of peace I gained maintained me throughout the next few days. Praise Jesus for that one.

Anyways, Thursday is a waiting game... at least for me, come to find out that our agents were working around the clock in negotiations with this Lender to come to some kind of agreement... we were kept well informed, but not brought into to many of the stressful and shady details on the seller's side.

Friday, August 27th-- The day of sorrow--

So, Robyn meets with Shady Loan Shark on Friday morning... I am awaiting a call to tell me that he decided to be reasonable... 10AM, 11AM, Noon... Lunch with a friend... still haven't heard yet... I start thinking, "This can't be good"... then around 2/3PM John Pace calls me (you see John and Robyn work together and John helped us to buy our first house). Again, I think, "This can't be good"...

So, he lets me know that its all falling apart. The Loan Shark is being very unreasonable and there isn't really anything else we can do at this point...

**So the thought of having this gorgeous front door flashes through my mind as a distant possibility**

We start dealing with reality... we are going to lose $$, we are going to be homeless in 2 weeks, we are going to have to clean out our house and move somewhere??

Loss, Grief, Remorse, Fear

**Oh yeah, Matt is playing golf at this point and Monday is his birthday day**

He finally gets home to me moping around the house waiting for the Smith's to show up and take us out to "celebrate"...

I think I said about 2 words at dinner, Kim tried really hard to have conversation with me, but I was pretty much locked in my own little world trying not to scream and processing everything. I thought I was at peace, but Matt started getting upset about... If you know Matt very well he is one of the most even mannered people who I know and when he was expressing his disappointment, it made it even harder for me and the worst part was, I couldn't do anything about it.

Sat. Aug. 28th-- Tossing and turning I woke up to mow the lawn and have an intriguing conversation with a neighbor friend (another blog post to cover that one)... start cleaning and doing stuff... isn't there something that I can control around here??

Well, we ended up going to a few wine tastings and driving around Raleigh until I got to release a bit of steam and have fun with friends at an awesome Batchelorette Party.

I come home at 1AM to find Matt had gotten the 2 for $20 special on steaks and LoneStar and was watching Inglorious Bastards... I guess we all deal with loss differently... we were learning to let go and holding out hope.

Sunday, Aug. 29th-- Thankfully we had a busy day and kept ourselves occupied. We started to come up with a few plans for living and resigned ourselves to losing the house.

**We are going to have a shower with 2 heads!**

Highlights of the day: Seeing Scott's new place , having a few great meetings and finally JUMPING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE!

We were letting go... all the while informed that the realtors are still working...

Monday, Aug. 30th-- Matt's 30th Birthday-- This day we tried not talk about, but started thinking about options and enjoyed a great night together eating good food (that I made and it turned out good!) and going to the driving range to let off some steam... home early and got an email from Robyn again... still working on it, going to throw some "hail mary's" in the AM and see if we can still work this out...

Matt was still hopeful... I was kinda like, "sure"... Sleep was good last night...

Tuesday, Aug. 31st-- OFFICIAL CLOSING DAY!!

Ring, Ring: "Hi Robyn"

"Hi Traci (really she talked to Matt), but somehow it all worked out" We would be closing at Noon... if we still wanted to... it was about 10AM...

I requested that Matt come home... lets talk this over... what in the heck??

Talk about an emotional roller coaster... I was shaking on the inside. Craziness!!!

So, shower and over for a last walk through and onto Sandman and Muphy for our closing.

So, we are now official home owners of 2 houses... and how do I feel?? ...

**GRATITUDE for a very hard working agent and her team Robyn Marshall and John Pace-- I know she had to even give up some of her commission to make this happen. Amazing and fun to work with at the same time. Two houses in and we will continue to go with PRG/Keller Williams in the future (although I hope it a long long time before we go through buying another house)

**RELIEF we are not going to be homeless

**ANTICIPATION for cleaning and moving and finding our way in our new space

**THANKFUL for friends who have been supportive and generous with their listening and offering to help.

Okay, so that was a ton of info... I need a nap!

Sabbath Thoughts

2010-05-10T08:36:00.001-04:00

Over the years I have entertained a variety of thoughts about what it means to 'keep the Sabbath'... if Christians are called to do that still, what God really intended for the Sabbath day and how far we probably are from following what the Lord was thinking.

The Jewish religious leaders didn't seem to get it at the time of Jesus and I know I don't get it now... when was the last time I truly "rested"... and what the heck does that mean?

So, this morning I was reading in Isaiah and found this verse... chapter 58, verse 13--

Keep your Sabbath day holy. Don't pursue your own interests on that day, but enjoy the Sabbath and speak of it with delight as the Lord's holy day. Honor the Sabbath in everything you do on that day, and don't follow your own desires or talk idly.

So, the thing that kicked me in the face? "Don't pursue your own interests on that day"

This is seems almost complete opposite of how I have looked at the Sabbath (when I have)... in those moments, I have asked myself... okay, its the Sabbath, what do "I" want to do? -- The sabbath is for me, right? (ha!)

**SIDE NOTE** I am not saying that our interests are always contrary to God's interests, I'm just saying that my sabbath moments would look different if I asked myself, "What would bring God delight today?"

I haven't come to any conclusions, but thought this insight was worth sharing... I hope you have a great day today and maybe you can ask yourself today-- (regardless of the day of the week)

"What would bring God delight today?" -- and do it!

Truths to Pass along

2010-04-19T08:46:00.000-04:00

I just started reading Here I am Lord... Send somebody else! By Jill Briscoe

In all honesty I started reading it a while back and put it down because I couldn't get into it. But, recently my homegroup started doing a study on Faith and it addresses a lot of what we are talking about so I picked it back up again.

At the end of each chapter there are a series of reflection questions... one of them asked me to consider what 5 truths I would want a child I had in my care to internalize... After a bit of reflection here is what I would pass along.

You are blessed to be a blessing.
God loves you-- no matter what!
In this world you will have trouble, but take heart Jesus has overcome the world.
You are special inside and out--a creation of the Lord Most High
Joy and peace are abundant in Jesus Christ.

What truths would you pass along?

How confident are you in what you would want a child to know?

Something interesting I just read

2010-04-13T08:58:00.000-04:00

A few months ago I started reading the Bible from the beginning. I have done this a few times in my life time, but this time, for some reason, the stories are either making a lot more sense or creating many more questions.

Yesterday, I read about the plagues in Egypt... this left a lot of questions. I still am wrestling through some of those... an except from my journal...
"The passover is a celebration, but is also a tragedy. Did you (God) not love the Egyptians as well? Did you not want them to know you?-- Wait! that is why you did these things-- so they would know you-- The Pharaoh was the one whose heart was hardened. Why did you do that? To show your glory? I don't know if I'm okay with that. Why show your glory at people's expense? Its all about you (God)-- I get that--- but not completely... so difficult to discern your character... I get that Jesus is the answer and the final passover lamb. I don't get your sense of timing... I'm sure your understanding is so much greater than mine, but sometimes its hard to explain to others (and even myself)... Maybe starting with Jesus and going backwards will help to see you more clearly. One day I'm gonna ask you these questions. Help me to trust you even when things don't make complete sense."

But, today was one of those days where things clicked... an "A HA" moment, a get up and cheer moment... the story of the Israelites actually celebrating the passover and how they did it. Did you know that they actually had to offer their first born son every year... but, they would always get him back... Did you know that they had to eat the entire meal in one house, with everyone unified? an except from my journal...
"Wow God! All of the first born son stuff is pretty awesome. You were preparing the Israelites to see Jesus as the fulfillment from the beginning. They were truly a chosen and unified people (millions of them). Thank you for their stories. It is very cool to see your consistency over time. I would think having them offer their son as a sacrifice each year and having him return would prepare them to see Jesus as your son, offered to take away the sins of the world, a completion of the penance and your presence among them. It surprises me that they didn't get it. But, we don't get it do we... we want things to make sense from our perspective. Thank you for showing me a glimpse of Your story today. Thank you that you are leading people to yourself through a variety of ways. Thank you for the beautiful picture of unity. I pray that we would move closer to that as a people now."

You see, reading the Bible can be very interesting stuff!

Hot Lanta!

2010-03-28T21:54:00.000-04:00

I just returned from a quick and eventful trip to Atlanta. One of my best friends, Charlotte moved there a few years ago and I got to go visit her for the weekend. Its pretty cool because I hooked her up on a friend date with my high school friend Michelle. They hit it off and are buds now and Charlotte introduced me to her friend Katie and we are friends now... I love making these connections and seeing how relationships build and grow...

Anyways, we had some awesome meals... La Fonda, a cute cafe with a variety of latin choices. I enjoyed a grilled pork and mango salad. We tried the outside seating, but its still a little chilly.

I am so ready for warmer weather!!

Thankfully, Saturday was bright and sunny. We started our day off with the traditional walk to Alon's. I actually don't think I've ever been to visit Charlotte without going to Alon's. Its a traditional french bakery a short jont from Charlotte and Rob's house.

**Side Note** I have yet to find a good bakery in Raleigh and think we need one!!

We love walking and talking... that pretty much sums up Saturday, Piedmont Park, more walking, more talking, more soaking in the sun...

Then we met up with Michelle for dinner at Flip Burger. Now, this is a great concept for a restaurant. Basically, its just really interesting burgers and milk shakes. Charlotte got her's with pimento cheese, mine was topped with avocado and Michelle's was made out of shrimp. We had a ton of fun, not to mention that we had a hot waiter... maybe he and Michelle will reconnect??

**I think the burger concept would work in Raleigh, but the ambiance was way to clubin' for something like Flip to work here...

After Flip we drove down the street to JCT bar where we listened to live music and overlooked the city sky line. We found some friendly people to watch our table while we went to do our photo shoot...

You know how married couples do those pictures?? ?? Isn't it fitting that Charlotte and I would do the same thing?

We rounded out the trip with more great conversation and breakfast at Rise n' Dine with Katie. Now, this place would be perfect for Raleigh. It actually reminded me a lot of Nofo with out the store. The thing I liked best about this place were the people working there.

They were SOOO nice and friendly, even for it being SUPER crowded. Sometimes when it gets busy like that at Nofo my charm and charisma go out the window and I just turn in to a robot getting orders, this was not the case there, still a high paced hustle and bustle, but keeping the personality up! I was taking notes and hope to improve my serving techniques.

I also learned that when you make poached eggs you typically put vinegar in the water to help the egg stay together. I'm not crazy about my eggs tasting like lemon, but I learned something new.

A great time all around. I'm so excited to meet little Nate when he arrives in a few weeks. Charlotte and Rob are going to be awesome parents.

So, God must be trying to teach me something...

2010-03-26T08:06:00.000-04:00

Through all of the reading that I have been doing and talking with people and discussing... I came up with the question... "Is there a difference between trying to follow Christ and allowing Christ to live through you?"

Yesterday afternoon I was talking with my friend Robyn and we discussed how there may not be a difference in the semantics of it, but in how the individual asking the question perceives it could be on the edge of a subtle, yet profound distinction... one that I don't want to miss.

So, I after returning from my morning muscle and spin class, made Matt breakfast and then entered into my daily time with God... omelet, toast, juice, coffee and water (yes, I do this about every day)... I opened up the Lenten Devotional and here is what it said...

Gratitude is the opposite of resentment, and "returning" is an inner passage from resentment to gratitude. Gratitude for the gift of your life is your response to God's abundant love. Your life can be lifted up and offered to God in thanksgiving. You will know the enormous spiritual difference between living your life out of gratitude for God's love and friendship, and living your life trying to earn God's friendship. It sounds simple and in many ways it is. But life is also a struggle and choosing to live the struggle gratefully and humbly as a child of God makes all the difference between a fulfilled life and an empty life.

God, I offer you my life and my death in thanksgiving for the privilege of being born and being loved.

What struck me the most were 2 things:

First, God knows what questions I am asking and where my heart is and the Lord is speaking to me. This is not the first time something like this has happened to me, but it just seems to be happening more frequently recently... WOW!

Second, Do I ever really consider just being alive, being born to be a miracle, to be a gift? Do you? When I do, I have one of those moments where freedom enters my soul and I need to stand up and do a cartwheel.

Pretty amazing stuff!
What about you? Do you struggle with working for God? Trying to earn God's favor?
Do you ever think about your life as a gift?

New Life??

2010-03-23T09:31:00.000-04:00

Today I get the opportunity to speak at the Peace College Chapel. I did this about a year ago and ended up reconnecting with a student whose mother was with me at Ramuda Ranch; her mother and I had walked with one another through recovery from eating disorders. It was surreal, but amazing...

Today I will speaking again and drawing a few things in from my recovery process, but more so will be walking the students through my journey of faith... the beautiful things that I have learned about following Christ and the distortions that I have and still face while following him.

If you want a copy of what I am going to say, just let me know and I'll send it to you (its like 6 pages long)...

anyways, Maybe its because I have been reflecting on this recently, maybe its because I am in church leadership, maybe its because over the past six months how I read the Bible and what that means for myself and the community of which I am a part have been shaken and I am open new thoughts, maybe these thoughts aren't new but I am just finding others who are expressing deeply held beliefs that I haven't ever been able to articulate... So, I have been reading!

Over the past week I have finished two whole 200+ page books and snippits of several others...
I recommend
Blue Parakeet by Scot McKnight
The Naked Gospel by Andrew Farley
When Helping Hurts by Brian Fikkert & Steve Corbett
Possessing the Gates of the Enemy by Cindy Jacobs

I don't claim to agree with every word in their pages, but they have forced me to think,
they have prompted me to pray and
they have inspired me to live more freely...

so, maybe they will inspire you too. I am going to move on to book 3 for the week here in a moment.

Dynamic Water

2010-03-14T21:02:00.000-04:00

Some of you have seen the pictures on face book from the murder mystery dinner that Matt and I were a part of a few weeks ago. We had a blast! Outside of just having fun and helping celebrate my friend Shannon's 30th birthday, we were helping to raise money for a great organization, Dynamic Water.

Dynamic Water is an organization dedicated to bringing clean, safe drinking water to those communities that don’t have access to such water.

You can be a part of helping bring clean water to individuals in Laisamis, Kenya. Its easy, just $20 pays one person's water bill for 20 years! Wow!!!

Here is how you can help:

In celebration of World Water Day, there is a fundraising campaign called “Pay the Water Bill”.

The idea comes out of something like this… if it cost $10,000 to drill a well that serves 500 people, that breaks down to $20 per person. So, by donating $20, you are essentially paying one person’s “Water Bill”.

The objective is to have individuals like you and me make donations in $20 increments and then encourage have us encourage our friends and family to do the same.

So, here I am, encouraging you... I paid 2 people's water's bill... will you do the same?

More of you God and Less of me... do I really mean it??

2010-02-19T09:44:00.001-05:00

As you may know, we are currently 3 days into the season of Lent... a period in the Christian calendar that leads up to our celebration of Easter (Christ is Risen!!! Risen In Deed!!)... Anyways, part of Lent is taking up spiritual practices or sacrifices that lead us deeper into our true need for a savior. This year I am not giving up anything specifically, but am praying the prayer... "God, more of you and less of me."

To help me actually live into this prayer I am reading a devotional with several others from my church family... The title is "From Fear to Love"...

I would say that I'm not afraid of much... at least not on the surface, so this should be an easy one for me right?? NOPE... It just so happens that at the same time I am currently facing several major freak outs areas ... just ask me and I'll tell you, but will spare the internets all the details!!

In the midst of my angst... I woke up and read this... thanks Henry Nouwen.... (or God's spirit speaking through the words you wrote)

Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up quickly. Isaiah 58:8

In the light of Divine Love, we are encouraged to enter into our deepest hearts, often hidden even to ourselves. There we actually touch God's light, and discover more and more our desire for that presence within. It's where we experience God saying, "I love you so deeply. I want to be present to you in all your 'lost' places so you will know not just your lostness but also in how many places I long to find you."

This is an exercise of communion: to sit with God in the inner chapel of your heart and to say, "I've heard so often of your love but I just don't believe it. Mostly I believe that you only wish to judge me, but today I'll remain here in your loving presence, and present myself to you in all my vulnerability." Heart speaks to heart.

This is not to say, "Well, you'd better start thinking about how awfully dissipated and resentful you are. No! This is to say, "When your're in touch with your dissipation and resentment, you're in touch with the very places that God waits to touch in you more deeply, and to heal you."

Forgiving God, I fear to stop. I need love and want love, but I fear what you might ask of me...

I want so badly to listen and enter into the fear and embrace what God is doing inside of me and around me. Here we go... 37 more days... what else will I learn??

Valentines Day & Justice

2010-02-10T08:55:00.001-05:00

Valentines Day is just around the corner and many of us will be receiving and giving chocolates to loved ones. I LOVE Dark Chocolate, not so crazy about the milk, and white can be good from time to time, but I hope to receive some chocolate on this special day... hint, hint!!

However, I don't want to be a part of suffering as I am enjoying my chocolate.

Did you know that slave and child labor is often used in the production of chocolate? Thankfully advocates for human rights have put together resources to help us, the average consumer, speak with our pocket books.

Here are just a few of the products I would suggest staying away from :
Godiva (sad I know) ... If you love Godiva, let them know you want change (D-)
Russel Stover... one of my favorites growing up (D)

At least one I recommend:

Divine (A-).. You can find these at Ten Thousand Villages and a few other stores.

Also, Nestle is getting better (C)... they have made a lot of progress over the past year or so

To find out more about the rating systems and other products visit: Free2Work.org

Happy Valentines Day!!!

Hands that Heal Overview Training

2010-02-02T15:08:00.004-05:00

One of my passions is seeing women and children in sexual bondage become free. A few years ago several Jubilee members were trained in the Hands that Heal Curriculum. Read below for details... we will soon be hosting a brief training for community members interested in finding out more about sex trafficking and working with survivors.

Staggering numbers of women and children are forced into the sex trafficking industry to be modern day sex slaves. This is shocking and appalling. Unfortunately, their battle is not won after leaving the sex industry. Aftercare for victims of sex trafficking is an enormous challenge, as God uses His people to help these survivors rebuild and reconstruct their broken lives.

Join us on Sat. February 27^th at Visio Dei Church for a training concerning the redemptive and exciting process of caring for survivors of sex trafficking. We will be using an international curriculum called Hands that Heal. The training is from 8:30AM-3PM with an hour break for lunch. Training is free, but please register and direct questions to justiceandjubilee@gmail.com.

What? One day overview Hands that Heal Training for Victims of Sex Trafficking

When? Feb. 27^th 8:30AM-3PM

Where? Visio Dei Church 524 E. Whitaker Mill Rd. Raleigh, NC 27608

Questions: justiceandjubilee@gmail.com

Free, Please let us know you are coming http://handsthatheal.eventbrite.com/

Fun Times with Emily

2010-01-18T08:21:00.000-05:00

In every village we went to there were large Buddhist and Hindu statues that resembled traditional stories and tributes to their religion.

One of the stories apparently included a dragon eating a maiden and it was located in the pond across the street from our hotel. Jacki went to explore and take some pictures after breakfast one morning and Emily and I braved the moto and tuk tuk crowded street to join her for our photo op.

I think we did a good job acting out our own version of the story.

Guilt and Shame v. Joy and Strength

2010-01-18T08:13:00.001-05:00

I just finished reading this passage from Nehemiah 8. The basic gist of the story is that the Israelite people hadn't been reading or learning from their book of the Law very well, often or much... They decided to try again... Once the priests and head guys read the book to them and explained what it meant, apparently they started weeping...

The response from their teachers, not what I expected... v. 10 "Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!"

I think this story resembles a lot of what I have felt over the years. But praise Jesus, I am starting to learn a new reality. Instead of getting discouraged or heaping on more guilt and shame when I realize I am falling short of where God wants me to be, I need to start rejoicing that I am even aware of the need and the truth to change and have started the journey. God's strength will help me change.

Does guilt ever keep you from praying or reading scripture?
Do you ever feel worse about yourself after spending time with Jesus?

If you answered "yes" you aren't alone, but hear the Good News! You don't have to weep and mourn or hold on to guilt and shame... Jesus provides freedom.

God is rejoicing that you are even starting to follow him. Allow The Lord's strength to fill you and change you. The words of scripture even tell us to throw an awesome party!

Mission, Methods and Resources

2010-01-14T09:48:00.000-05:00

This post is one that I write with humility and still some trying to figure it all out, but it comes out of the most uneasy place that I felt while I was in Cambodia. The title reflects my work with the non profit minor at NCSU. When I was in grad school I helped teach a couple non profit classes. One of the things I did was help the students think through the challenges and benefits of bringing together your mission, methods and resources with integrity and a couple other values that are escaping me at the moment.

Anyways, after our dinner in Battambang we headed back to the Trade School to do a few interviews. The intention of having several of the women tell their stories was so that we could bring back a video and show it to our churches to get support.

Having individual stories to share and real faces to go along with the often overwhelming reality is helpful in raising money and motivating action.

However, I could tell that Randa was pretty stressed about asking the women to share. I was uncomfortable because it wasn't my idea, but I was the one who would be sitting next to these complete strangers and telling their stories into the camera as if I were their friend...

One of the things I learned during training in trafficking work is that having people share for publicity can be hurtful and exploitative, even if we mean it for good... I asked Brian (Board Member) if the women were okay with sharing their stories, he said, "They will share them..." People, will do a lot of things that aren't the best for us...

Anyways, I didn't ask any other questions.
Honestly, I just wanted to know the stories myself.

So, Randa, Setun (camera man) and myself set up for an interview with Sarim and Saran. Sarim had to stop half way through and shook her head like she didn't want to continue. She didn't speak any English, so I just put my hand on her leg and looked her in the eye.

Hopefully I communicated compassion.

After the interviews were over I asked if I could hug them. They received this well and I do feel connected to Sarim and Saran more now than I did before and hope that they get to fulfill their dreams of working in a factory or owning their own sowing shop. I did see hope in their eyes and thankfulness for a chance for a new way of life.

Transform Asia is doing a lot of good, and this is evident from their stories.

Just like when I was in grad school, balancing mission, methods and resources is still a challenge for non profits who desire to help and need money to do it.

Belief in Process

2010-01-13T15:44:00.000-05:00

I receive a "voice of the day" update from Sojourner's... this is what it said today...

"Throughout the gospels we are repeatedly told that after some word or deed of Jesus "his disciples believed in him." The point of this statement is not that up to that point they had no faith, but rather that their faith deepened with the passage of time. To believe in God is more than simply to profess God's existence; it is to enter into communion with God and -- the two being inseparable -- with our fellow human beings as well. All this adds up to a process."

- Gustavo Gutierrez, from his book We Drink from Our Own Wells

I agree with Gustavo, my faith is a process. This morning I was reading in the Psalms about God's goodness and justice and how the Lord gives His people good things. I started thinking about all the hard things that His people also go through and was having a hard time reconciling it all... here is how I tried to process it this morning in my journal...

"Dear Jesus, Some of this stuff is really hard to understand. There are all of these promises about your goodness and justice in the Psalms, but yet there is still so much destruction, even for those who are clearly your people throughout the ages. I try to understand, but I just don't get it! I think this is okay-- to not get it-- but I want so badly to be able to explain things. Help me to rest in your truth even when its messy..."

Then I started listing all the people facing brokenness in their lives in various ways. As I cry out to God for others I know it makes a difference. I just can't explain it all. I'm glad its a process. God is good and trustworthy, just confusing sometimes.

Battambang Trade School

2010-01-02T15:31:00.002-05:00

We made it to the Trade School just after lunch time. This part of Transform Asia seeks to prevent the sex trade in a variety of ways. They welcome women and men into this residential program. Here they take English classes, learn computer and sowing skills, develop a relationship with Christ and have fun.

The individuals we met here were super friendly and could speak a little bit more English than the women in Kampong Chhnang. One of the girls was probably my favorite the whole trip. She just took hold of my hand from moment one and wanted to talk and have help with English. She brought out one of her lesson books and we did our best to learn some new words.

The rest of the group left me at the Trade School to go help a women with an infection in a rural town just outside the city. I decided to stay and hangout. We ended up playing volleyball for a few hours. I was pretty darn good :)

Our game ended pretty suddenly though, and I was like, "What is going on?"... Someone informed me that they had English class, and I was going to be helping them... OKAY...
I went to class with my new friends and helped them learn how to move from singular to plural. They were eager to learn and did a great job. It was fun to be a part of their learning environment.

After that, I got informed that the rest of my crew was already at dinner... so, I would have to jump on the back of the guards moto bike and get taken to our dinner spot.. YEAH!! I was breaking rule #2 from my husband, no riding with strange men on moto bikes... but, he worked for the organization and drove pretty slowly, so I felt safe and it was fun to say that I had actually ridden on one of the motos :) I made it safely to dinner and then we headed back to the Trade School for a few hours that evening... those occurrences will be shared in the next post.

The Road to Battambang

2010-01-02T15:21:00.002-05:00

Emily & I met Nit at the Women's Center in Kampang Chhnang. She is a 10 year old girl whose mom didn't have enough money to care for her. Her mom offered Randa the opportunity to purchase her and although, Randa declined buying Nit, she arranged custody for her and planned to transport Nit to the orphanage where she would begin a new way of life with 59 other children in Anlong Vey.

On the car ride to Battambang, I realized how awesome Emily is with children. Nit wanted to play with our cameras and play peek-a-boo for about the entire 3 hours. My patience wore off after about 15 minutes, but Emily held strong for at least 2 hours... at least she did on the outside. Nit was so sweet and well behaved, she truly wanted to soak in every ounce of the journey.

We made it to the Trade School and she was welcomed with open arms by the individuals there. It is amazing to watch the love between people and the welcoming environment that Transform Asia provides for its residents.

Unfortunately, Nit's mom is apparently an experienced con artist... after we had left Cambodia she made her way to the orphanage and demanded Nit back in her custody, although the paper work was complete, the village chief decided that being a true mother counts for more than the level of care Nit would receive. So, Transform Asia had to give Nit back to her mother.

They have since learned that her mom has "sold" or "borrowed" her to various orphanages throughout Cambodia only to go back and get her later. Its some kind of scheme to provide for herself and her children. It doesn't really make sense to me, but to someone in poverty who is trying to figure out the way to make it, maybe it does... Our prayer is that Nit will remain safe and be spared from the sex industry.

Christmas in Holly Springs

2009-12-28T09:05:00.003-05:00

Matt and I had a great time this Christmas with Matt's family. They are so fun to hang out with... everything from worshiping God to cooking good food to counting baseball cards to playing board games...

We need to see each other more often!
Merry Christmas :)

Not to be a downer, but reality just kicked me in the head...

2009-12-26T10:26:00.002-05:00

I was clicking through the pictures on my computer of my trip and trying to think about the next thing to post about the adventures we had in Cambodia. I started looking into the faces and eyes of the women in the pictures. The ones in the previous posts... they all have stories...

Their innocence and smiles mask deep pain and exploitation. These women have been raped, beaten, forced to do things that I can't even imagine. Its real... slavery, sexual abuse, depravity of mankind...

Thanks be to God that these individuals are in a safe place and getting the care, love, and healing.

If you have some extra moments, please say some prayers for their hearts, minds and bodies. Look at the pictures... let their eyes speak to you.

Please pray for the women and girls who have yet to find their way to safety and caught in the midst of darkness.

I believe that the light shines in the darkness and the darkness will not overcome it. But we need prayer warriors to help and people to wake up to the need to change the way we view our own sexuality and that of others.

There are women and girls in Cambodia in pain.

There are women and girls in Raleigh in pain.

We all need healing.

Will you be a part of helping?

The River Community

2009-12-26T10:13:00.002-05:00

Just around the corner for the market in Kampong Chhnang there is a river. We learned that there is an entire community of people who live on the river in floating houses.

Most of these folks are very poor Vietnamese families who couldn't afford land... so they build houses on the water. Very resourceful.

The problem is that there is a lot of pollution now. We watched folks in their boats coming back and forth from the town and walking around carrying goods on large hats on top of their heads. I wonder how you learn to do that and have such wonderful balance???

The stench here left a few things to be desired, but its a bustling place with lots of people around.

More from the New Development Center

2009-12-26T10:01:00.002-05:00

We stayed in Kampong Chhnang overnight so that we could spend some additional time with the ladies in the morning.

Emily is amazing with children and hung out with Baby Sam while we were waiting for dinner. Randa has taken in Sam because his parents were too poor to care for him and thought the best option would be throw him in the river... Randa's compassion is contagious! She took him in and has been working with the other ladies at the center to nurse him to health. He was precious.

One thing interesting... They don't use diapers there during the day... basically the babies just hang out on blankets and then when they do their business its in the open or on plastic or over the grass?? Anyways, Emily fed Sam, and as she was handing him back to the other woman to take care of him, he decided to poop everywhere... I'm so glad that I wasn't there to see it!

The next morning we spent time hanging out with the women and attempting to communicate with them. It was a bit challenging because none of them spoke a lick of English. However, the spoke fashion and hair... I got to participate in a fashion show because I was the only one in the group who is the same size as the Khmer people... I tried on the shirts they were making and did a little cat walk for them. They loved it.

Then we went down stairs and my I got my hair straightened and a bit of make up to go with it. After my make over was complete we had to say goodbye and hop in the car to drive to Battambang for our next adventure :)

Isaiah 9:2-7

2009-12-24T09:59:00.001-05:00

Its a mystery still in many ways, but hope comes in the midst of pain and Jesus' birth brings us a promise of a new way of life through a savior, a vulnerable baby... who calls to us to follow him...

The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light;
those who lived in a land of deep darkness --
on them light has shined.
[3] You have multiplied the nation,
you have increased its joy;
they rejoice before you
as with joy at the harvest,
as people exult when dividing plunder.
[4] For the yoke of their burden,
and the bar across their shoulders,
the rod of their oppressor,
you have broken as on the day of Midian.
[5] For all the boots of the tramping warriors
and all the garments rolled in blood
shall be burned as fuel for the fire.
[6] For a child has been born for us,
a son given to us;
authority rests upon his shoulders;
and he is named
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
[7] His authority shall grow continually,
and there shall be endless peace
for the throne of David and his kingdom.
He will establish and uphold it
with justice and with righteousness
from this time onward and forevermore.
The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this.

Spiritual Gangster

2009-12-21T18:13:00.002-05:00

On Saturday Jenn gave me a cool little trinket that says "She wants to be a spiritual gangster". I think that I am going to use this is my new mantra!

This is a semi break from the Cambodia blog for prayer request and update on the life of spiritual gangster here in Raleigh.

We just found out today that Nit (photo here) needs prayer. She traveled with us from Kampong Chhnang all the way to Anlong Veng to the orphanage. Her mom had offered to sell her to Ronda and although Ronda refused to pay, she gave her custody. We'll today her mom decided that she wanted her back. Nit is in danger of being trafficked into sex slavery. Please pray for her safety and for her mom to decide to take her back where she will be loved and cared for.

I put the picture of these beautiful flowers because they are the hope in the midst of the storm.

As you may know, part of our work here with Jubilee is also to reach out to the Foxy Lady here in Raleigh. We took a step of faith and went in on Saturday to hang out for a few hours. This extremely awkward encounter paid off in a few new relationships. Its hard to enter people's pain and I don't want to broadcast others' issues on the internet, but I would ask for your prayer and also praise God that the process and consistency is worth it.

If you know me very well, I have contemplated stopping our outreach several times over the past year because I didn't think we were getting any where... patience, consistency, time, trust... okay, I think am starting to get it.

So much fun being a Spiritual Gangster!

Kampong Chhnang

2009-12-18T16:47:00.004-05:00

We finally made it to my favorite destination of the entire trip. The New Development Center... This the home for women who have been in prostitution and/or sex slavery in Cambodia. The Center has capacity to help 90 women for one year stints. It is a beautiful compound full of areas for relaxing, learning, living, praising God, and also a guard stand decked with an AKA 47.

The women there are so precious and fun!

First we went into the "city" because several people wanted to by sim cards for their phones. Unfortunately, if you don't have an iPhone its hard to connect across the world so those attempts were slightly unsuccessful.

Ronda met up with a few of the women to go shopping for our dinner meal in the market and we headed out to the river area. (This will be a separate post).

We got a tour of the center and met some of the instructors. We learned that they currently do not have an English teacher. This is one of their biggest needs... someone to go and stay for an extended period of time and teach ESL... any takers??

The program includes a sowing school and a cosmetology school. They make school uniforms, traditional dresses, shirts and do awesome hair and make up. Although we couldn't speak to each other because of the language barrier we were able to speak "beauty". Several of the girls got a hold of me and straightened my hair. It was such a treat. You may also notice in some of the photos that my eye brows are a bit darker than normal... I got a bit of heavy make up on the eye are completed as well :) It lasted for a few days...

A few things to note about the center: The women learn about Jesus and have help with healing through their trauma through God's power, but currently they do not have any counseling to help with overcoming the abuse. I'm amazed at their resiliency and willingness to learn a trade and desire to interact with strange Americans. They can sure put on a happy face. But, what I have learned is that in the Khmer culture people don't really talk about their problems. Ronda may be the only one who gets their story... they need safe spaces to experience grace and healing.

One of the things I am working on is getting them the Hands that Heal Training. Its an international curriculum for survivors of sex trafficking. I am hopeful for more depth of healing to occur for years to come. Please pray for those doors to open and those dots to connect.

Truck Stops on the Cambodian High Way??

2009-12-17T08:23:00.003-05:00

Our van was loaded with a variety of soft drinks and waters for us to enjoy as we made our trek around the Tonle Sap. One of them was called "Green Mate"... I decided to try it, YUCK! It tasted like a mix of cotton candy, sugar and melon juice... needless to say I had to pour it out when we arrived at our first potty break.

Before leaving we were warned that places to stop to use the restroom were few and far between. So, I didn't have my hopes up very high. The first place we stopped was something similar to a bus stop. There was an open air shop for food and beverage and then a row of urinals... outside... no doors... just against a wall... Oh, the joys of being a man!

Thankfully the women's rooms had doors on them, but they were what one might describe as a "squatty potty". I think I coined that term while were on the trip. It is basically a toilet in the ground. It is still white and clean, but you stand on either side and squat down. Then you dip a scooper from a pot of water and pour that over your excrement and it washes down the hole... squatty potties... I don't miss those.

Then, back in the van and on to visit where Transform Asia is in process of constructing a University. This University is going to be for humanities training, a school for doctors and nurses and medical clinic. The humanities department will serve to train up pastors and leaders for the Khmer people and the clinic and doctors will be a huge blessing to many in the immediate area and also throughout the country once they complete their schooling.

The site right now only consists of a small farm of sweet potatoes and a cleared off field, to make sure there are no land mines around. We walked the grounds and heard about the vision. Todd was most stoked about being involved with helping them to construct this complex and is working with them to form a committee for planning and development. We each found our niche. Its pretty cool to see the sparks flying uniquely amongst us.

Eating Adventures

2009-12-16T08:40:00.002-05:00

*First, I have to make a disclaimer that I don't have all the photos that I want to share because my photography skills leave much to be desired. I can't wait until I receive the pictures from my traveling companions considering that the St. Johns snapped 900 + and I ended up with a meager 114. I'll add them as the come in...

So, after the church gathering we headed out to lunch. As a group we decided that Ronda would order for us at our lunches and dinners and we would all share the delicious cuisine laid before us. From the conversations I had with the St. Johns prior to leaving I thought we were going to have a subsistence diet of rice and beans for every meal, but this was far from the case, we ate very well and I am even now inspired to cook more asian food because it is so awesome.

The first thing I discovered is fish sauce. I'm not exactly sure what goes into it, but wikipedia says, "Fish sauce is a condiment that is derived from fish that have been allowed to ferment."... not appetizing?? Well, its served at every restaurant with chilies and garlic. You can use it as a dipping sauce or to pour over your rice. I decided to try it and loved it. It has a flavor similar to soy sauce but is lighter in color and a little bit less runny. If you ever see it on a menu don't let it scare you. I have definitely shied away from fish sauce descriptions before, but now I am a new woman, bring on the fish sauce :)

Steamed White rice is the staple of the Khmer diet for sure. We had it at least 2x a day and could have as much as we wanted. The waiters would come with a steaming bowl and keep scooping it onto your plate whenever you took a break from eating. At this point I was still a little sketched out my the meat selection, but am trying to go with everything. Just focus on the conversation and don't worry about the sanitation... okay, okay, okay... it worked for the most part!

During lunch we chatted about life with Ronda and she has some pretty freaking awesome stories. I asked her how she came to know Jesus. She met him in the Refugee camp while trying to learn English....

You see, when Ronda was 16 she had to flee Cambodia because of the Khmer Rouge genocide. Her father and much of her family were murdered and spent weeks in the jungle dodging mines on her way to Thailand to find safety. While in the Refugee camp she desperately wanted to learn English, but all of the places they were teaching it kicked her out, all of them except for the Christians... so, she learned english through the use of the holy scriptures. These spoke to her heart and she came to start following Christ. The way she told the story was a beautiful picture of God grabbing her heart when she wasn't even looking for it, but in a way that was clear and sweet... Ronda's passion for Jesus still oozes from her every pore.

After lunch we packed into the big blue van and were off to Kampong Chhnang... no, not the same blue van as we have, but VERY similar!

The Sunday Morning Worship Gathering

2009-12-15T17:55:00.003-05:00

I was way pumped about attending Transform Asia's church service because somehow I thought I was going to be able to mystically connect via the Holy Spirit with their inner thoughts and prayers. Well, it didn't quite happen as I had imagined...

Don't get me wrong I enjoyed and am excited to see so many young people praising Jesus, but I just didn't get the miraculous warm fuzzies I was expecting.

The coolest thing to me was how many young people are leading this church community. It doesn't come as a big surprise considering that the majority of the Khmer population is under 30, but to see them leading worship and teaching the sermon in a room of mixed ages was inspiring.

One of the convictions I walked away with from this trip is that really, in order for Cambodia to change, this generation and then next one to come are going to have to work hard and with God's power to shift the direction of an entire culture. I got a glimpse of that happening through this church that we had the privilege to be a part of for a short time.

The gathering was quite familiar to me... rock band, drummer, electric guitar, base, tambourines, a worship leader with a tight leather jacket and all of them had super trendy hair cuts. I wonder if they read Rob Bell and Donald Miller too?

Anyways, then an older guy got up and start talking. I realized he was reading a passage of scripture. He read the entire chapter of 1 Kings 18. This was their text for the day. It seemed like it took him 20 minutes to read it, how could people be paying attention, I thought? Oh yeah, they understand what he was saying... it actually probably only lasted 5 minutes.

After the younger pastor got up to teach, I read the scriptures in English. These words reminded me of my trip to Israel, I actually got to visit Mount Carmel and we reenacted the scene with the prophets of Baal. That is something I will never forget!

So, I got to thinking... there are so many visible idols and false gods in Cambodia (almost every hotel and restaurant has an alter to Buddha or another god). What was the pastor saying? Is this story more applicable to them? What are the people here thinking when they hear this? Are there people in this room that used to worship false gods actively? What type of conviction do they experience?

Then, I thought... do they have it better than we do in the West? Their false gods are actually other named religions, we have false gods the are masked as beauty or riches and accepted by our culture and not outright worshiped, but worshiped... Do we even know how much we need this story?

These are just a few of the questions that are rolling around as I encounter a seemingly extremely different yet eerily familiar culture on the other half of the world.

Just the beginning

2009-12-15T08:29:00.003-05:00

Welcome to my Cambodia trip musings. I am going to share a series of stories and pictures from my recent trip to Kampuchea (the "real" name for Cambodia). The french named the country Cambodia when the colonized it, but the Khmer people still call the country Kampuchea.

Jacky, Todd, Emily & myself arrived at the airport around 4AM on Fri, Dec. 4th to prepare for our journey across the international dateline. After about 30 hours we arrived in Phnom Penh, the capital city. When we rolled in Saturday night I made the comment to our Khmer friend Ronda that the city seemed quiet, she laughed... I later found out why...

We pulled up to our hotel and checked into our rooms for the night. Emily and I were still wide awake and decided to break cardinal rule #1 (via Matt Rowe)... lets just walk down the street near our hotel and check to see if there is a bar or something? We made it about 10 feet outside of the hotel lobby and quickly turned around. Phnom Penh is one of the creepiest, darkest cities I have ever been to. Safely back in the hotel Emily decided to take a shower and all I could hear was, "This is so stupid"??? What?

I was confused, but their bathrooms are set up WAY different from ours. There is no separation between the shower and the rest of the room, it all kind of flows together, no shower curtain, no lip to stop the water, just water water everywhere...

After finally catching some sleep we woke up and headed for breakfast. There was a nice buffet in our hotel, stacked with soup, noodles, rice, stewed veggies??? oh good, some eggs and toast too :)

We also were introduced to dragon fruit. kind of like a kiwi, but not as tart.

Then, fully caffeinated, we walked around the block with our full group in completely day light, so no fear or danger... I realized why Ronda laughed when I said the city seemed quiet. There are about 4 million people who live in Phnom Penh and they all drive little moto's about 10-20 deep on narrow two lane roads. An occasional car or bus will honk and whip around them.

Carts full of fruit and other items are spilling out onto the street everywhere. Once we made it back to the hotel our driver picked us up and took us to Transform Asia's church service. I didn't know that my experience with Phnom Penh was much less than complete, but those stories will wait for our final 2 days when we returned from the country side.

Trafficking is REAL

2009-11-16T17:35:00.001-05:00

A couple of friends and myself are going to Cambodia in Dec. to work with an organization that is helping to combat human trafficking. I am looking forward to this experience and know I will be changed and shaped by it. However, we don't have to go across the world to find this heinous crime.

Just Read Here

What will you do to make a difference?

We Build People

2009-11-15T21:37:00.003-05:00

When I taught at NCSU one of my students was heavily invested at the YMCA and did her call to action speech on "We Build People". She is one of the only students that I continue to have a relationship with outside of the classroom. Now she and her husband are on staff with the Navigators.

Anyways, when I heard about the summer camps, after school programs, mentorship, etc. that the YMCA provides I was intrigued... but hadn't thought about it much until we joined the Y and now have close friends who work there. This year Matt and I get to be a part of the We Build People Campaign.

THERE ARE ONLY 4 DAYS LEFT!

Us getting involved with this effort coincided with a reminder to us of why this program and the opportunities that the financial support from this campaign provides is so important. We are friends with a family who could greatly benefit from having a consistent positive place to go in their lives. Just knowing that some of the children in this family were a part of this program would give me a bit of peace.

If you have read my blog much over the past year, you know that I have a deep love for the community aspect at the Alexander Family Branch. The We Build People Campaign is another aspect that will help impact our community in Raleigh.

I urge you to consider giving to this campaign! All you have to do is click here. By doing this you will make a difference in someone's life.

I challenge you to give today!

Fun Theory

2009-11-11T09:31:00.002-05:00

Something fun that my dad just sent me... it made me smile :) I needed this today.

EDA Group News

2009-11-05T16:12:00.002-05:00

As you know a few of us started a branch of Eating Disorders Anonymous about 8 months ago. We have been meeting every other week discussing recovery, our issues, and helping one another take steps towards holistic- free living. I'm glad to be a part of this group and am excited about our next several month focus.

Starting on Monday, Nov. 9th at 7PM we are going to begin "Finding Balance With Food" which is linked to the group Finding Balance. This 12 week curriculum will help us walk together to live life "outside the thin cage" in more ways than one. There are mid week projects, discussion questions, reflection times, videos etc.

If you have been contemplating coming to this group or know of someone who might benefit from working through some of these issues, please encourage them to come... if you don't know if this study is appropriate for you please consider the following questions:

Y / N Is food something that you enjoy, without feeling guilty later?

Y / N Do you eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re full?

Y / N Are you able to recognize feelings of hunger and fullness?

Y / N Do you eat three regular-size or six smaller-size meals each day?

Y / N Do you select foods based upon how they’ll benefit your body?

Y / N Do you like to get out and be active, not because you should, but because you want to?

Y / N (If married) Are you able to be intimate with your spouse without worrying about how your body

looks?

Y / N Can you take a compliment without thinking there must be some hidden meaning behind it?

Y / N Do you feel like you’re taking good care of the body God gave you?

Y / N Do you have time and energy to pursue a deeper relationship with God?

Y / N Are you able to engage freely in relationships with others on a frequent basis?

Y / N Can you go more than two hours without thinking about food?

Y / N Can you get ready in the morning without beating yourself up about how tight your pants feel, or

worrying that everyone is going to notice how big your stomach, thighs or butt looks?

Y / N Can you look at another person without comparing the size of their body to your own?

Y / N Do you believe that your value is NOT dependent on your appearance or achievements?

If you’ve answered ‘no’ to three or more of these questions, it’s time to admit the truth: you are out of

balance when it comes to eating, weight and body image.

I definitely need to be a part of this group and welcome you to do the same, all you have to do is show up. We meet at Visio Dei Church.

My current prayer

2009-11-04T14:54:00.001-05:00

This is beautiful... I am praying this for myself today...

Dear Jesus, help me to spread Thy fragrance everywhere I go. Flood my soul with Thy spirit and love. Penetrate and possess my whole being so utterly that all my life may only be a radiance of Thine. Shine through me and be so in me that every soul I come in contact with may feel Thy presence in my soul. Let them look up and see no longer me but only Jesus. Stay with me and then I shall begin to shine as you shine, so to shine as to be a light to others.

A prayer of Mother Teresa

Where is my hope?

2009-10-29T08:11:00.002-04:00

Praise the Lord!

Let all that I am praise the Lord.

I will praise the Lord as long as I live.

I will sing praises to my God with my dying breath.

Don't put your confidence in powerful people; there is no help for you there.

When they breathe their last, they return to the earth, and all their plans die with them.

But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, whose hope is the Lord their God.

He made heaven and earth, the sea and everything in them.

He keeps every promise forever.

He gives justice to the oppressed and food to the hungry.

The Lord frees the prisoners.

The Lord opens the eyes of the blind.

The Lord lifts up those who are weighed down.

The Lord loves the godly.

The Lord protects the foreigners among us.

He cares for the orphans and widows, but he frustrates the plans of the wicked.

The Lord will reign forever.

He will be your God, O Jerusalem, throughout the generations.

Praise the Lord.

Why do we (at least me) so often put our hope in powerful people or think that we can do things on our own??

Jesus is worth trusting. I will follow him today.

Anything but Ordinary

2009-09-19T09:26:00.002-04:00

This is the song that I have been listening to for the past 2 weeks, I think it speaks to the best and worst of me...

Press Release-- Please Pass Along

2009-09-13T22:32:00.002-04:00

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
SEPTEMBER 14 2009

Breakfast for Dinner and a Movie Fundraiser

Raleigh, NC—Jubilee, a local volunteer abolitionist group, will host "Breakfast for Dinner and a Movie”, a fundraiser to be held on Mon. Sept. 21st, 2009 from 6-8pm, at Visio Dei Church in Raleigh (524 E. Whitaker Mill Road, near the Five Points area).

Breakfast foods will be served buffet style from 6-8PM with a showing of “The Playground” documentary beginning at 7:30pm. This 85 min documentary compellingly details the state of sex trafficking in the US. We hope to raise awareness about local sex trafficking as well as funds to combat the demand side of sexual exploitation. The meal is free with a suggested donation of $7.

The funds raised will support Stop Child Trafficking Now, an organization working to stop child sex trafficking in the US. They seek to end demand by supporting special operative teams who will work to secure convictions for those trafficking and buying sex from children.

In the past, Jubilee has also hosted David Batstone of the Not For Sale Campaign, Dana Vaughn-Mgunda of the Carolina Women's Center and Kimberly Smith of Make Way Partners. Jubilee members believe that the faith community has an important call to promote justice and extend compassion, including in the realm of human trafficking. Jubilee does operate from a Christian faith-based perspective; however, people of all faiths/no faith are most welcome to attend this fundraiser and documentary

###
Contact: 
Traci Rowe  
justiceandjubilee@gmail.com
www.justiceandjubilee.org.

Selfish Ambition

2009-09-10T09:15:00.002-04:00

Recently, I've had the privilege to contemplate prayer, what its about and how to listen to God.
I am also noticing and enjoying deeper relationships with people inside and outside of our community of faith.
And personally attempting to maintain my practice of reflecting on the lectionary scriptures for the week.

Here are a couple of excerpts from what many faith communities will be reading this weekend:

Ps 19: 12-14
How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from my hidden faults.
Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me.
Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin.
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

James 3: 13-18 (actually this is after the scheduled verses, but what I accidently read)
If you are wise and understand God's ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with humility that comes from wisdom. But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don't cover up the truth with boasting and lying. For jealousy and selfishness are not God's kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and evil of every kind.
But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows not favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.

Mark 8:32-35 (about the disciples and Jesus)
They didn't understand what he was saying, however, and they were afraid to ask him what he meant. After they arrived at Capernaum and settled in a house, Jesus asked his disciples, "What were you discussing out on the road?" But they didn't answer, because they had ben arguing about which of them was the greatest. He sat down, called the twelve disciples over to him, and sad, "Whoever wants to be first must take last place and be the servant of everyone else."

Last night I was praying for a multitude of things and pride kept coming to mind, my own pride for one and comparison, etc. But also how we are riddled with this temptation to puff ourselves up and to me pride and insecurity are so tied together. I see this coming out in the scriptures this week and was confirmed (I believe the Holy Spirit is speaking to me, weird I know), but this is something that we should be aware of, not afraid to deal with and longing to break.

Consider where our health care system could be if many let of selfish ambition... (on both sides)
Consider where our churches could be if we lead and followed with humility...
Consider where our friendships could be if we weren't afraid or insecure...
Consider where our families could be if we worked through peace making and served one another in love...
Consider where our mental and spiritual health could be if we asked God to search us and keep us from unknown and known sinful patterns...

I say all of these things because I play a part in contributing to cycles of pride and insecurity, but know that God wants to break into that and it is possible.

Lets pray for a breaking of selfish ambition in our world, starting with ourselves, moving to those we are closest with and then out from there...

Oh, the possibilities :)

Lets Celebrate our Hard Work!

2009-09-07T22:25:00.016-04:00

We clean up pretty nice after getting our digestive tracts back in order and our fluids replenished! We went out the board walk for a night of fun and relaxation.

I forgot to mention that Matt crossed the finish line as well. Its impressive that he ran in all those clothes isn't it?!?

We had a little bit of romantic beach time and lots of fond memories of fun cheer moves.... Then onto the RAVEN a local favorite for sea food. The crab legs were totally the favorite of the meal, in more ways that one. At the RAVEN we met Ricki & Bobbi (twins who worked in the gift shop). They were really nice and even let Nicole borrow a sweatshirt to wear while we ate because our table was directly under an air vent.

Unfortunately, they were running out food and we didn't get our onion rings, but JD (our server) would randomly run by and drop yummy goodness on our table, everything from oyster crackers, to bread, to fries, water, and a few shot glasses. Then out came the main course. It was delish!

Onto the concert with more backflip reenactments and laughter were shared. My favorite quote of the weekend was "I love how they have all of these animal statues everywhere. They are great for photo ops!" (Guess who? TRR)

First Half Marathon

2009-09-07T21:57:00.003-04:00

We just got back tonight from the Rock n Roll Half Marathon at VA Beach. Thanks Nicole for inviting me to do this with you! I had a blast. This post, is just about the race, more to come about the experience surrounding it...

A big THANK YOU goes out to Matt for driving us around, getting up at 5AM to drop us off and cheering us on while we were on our last legs (literally).

We walked several blocks to the start line where we searched out bananas and port o potties and then lined up in corral 12 to wait. You know how much I love to wait, but we were glad that we weren't that far back in line because I thought I had changed my corral number the day before. Little did I know that I needed the little green sticker with the number on it... we got pushed back to corral #22... more waiting :) This actually turned out to be a good thing, but I was a little put off by having to move.

After the Elite runners took off we slowly moved forward while doing the wave every once in a while. Then it was our turn... 7:36AM ... off we went.

Something happens to me at races where I get this adrenaline rush and just take off... I realized after the first mile that I was going faster than I expected to, but thought I would even out later on... no so much, the competitive side came out and I started thinking, I can keep this up... maybe? The bands, cheerleaders and race atmosphere kept me going, not to mention a little Silver on the iPod and a few worship songs as well.

We saw Matt around mile 11 and 12 (thus the photos). I ran over to him to try to give him a kiss and he wasn't quite sure what I was doing, thought I was trying to whisper something in his ear, and not to mention I was kind of disgusting, but I got my kiss at mile 11 and kept trucking to the end.

After I crossed the finish line I thought I was going to pass out, the adrenaline was gone and all I wanted was water and a bathroom, but I had to wait to find Matt and Nicole amongst the crowds of thousands... this was the hardest part of the entire day. Everyone else seemed to be only concerned about getting their free beer... some how I couldn't fathom drinking a beer... there were even people drinking in route... has anyone heard of alcohol being an athletic beverage before?

We eventually found each other at the "R" for Royal and Rowe and headed back to the car, relaxation, shower and naps... Later on in the evening we went back out to celebrate. Those pictures and stories are still to come.

Click here to see my results, not bad for my first time :)

Pretending to be a Princess

2009-09-04T08:58:00.002-04:00

Periodically my mom sends me devotional excerpts, today this is a portion of what she sent... I'm sitting in Third Place and laughed out-loud... maybe its because I identify so much with this little girl?

"Friend To Friend
My 6-year-old daughter Carolyn and I had a busy day planned. I was getting ready while she played. When it came time to do her hair, she appeared - dressed in jewelry, pink sunglasses and a pink purse.

Now this might seem like normal, cute behavior for most 6-year-old girls, but I can count on one hand the number of times my daughter has voluntarily dressed up in pink anything. She has never been interested in princesses and pretty dresses and would rather wield a light saber than a princess wand. After seeing her dressed up, I picked my jaw up off the floor and we had this conversation:

Me: You look beautiful. Are you a rock star?

Carolyn: No, I'm a princess!

Me: Are you going to a ball?

Carolyn: Actually, I'm just pretending to be a princess. I need to trick the castle guard, so I can break into the castle and kill the evil king and rescue the real princess."

Now, that wasn't the end, there was actually a lot more to it about adventure with God and not attempting to fit into any mold that we or society or the church creates for us, but in seeking out a life of freedom, risk and authenticity to who we are created to be.

Whether you feel created to be princesses, a dragon slayer or something in between.... seek the adventure! Its worth it.

Cling to the ONE who gives strength

2009-08-31T09:14:00.002-04:00

This passage comes from Psalm 62, written centuries ago, but speaking volumes into our need to cling to God, not just in difficulty, but for identity, purpose, power and meaning.

v. 5-8
For God alone my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my deliverance and my honor; my mighty rock, my refuge is in God.
Trust in him at all time, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.

I love the part about pouring our hearts out before him... God really cares about us, wants to strengthen us and offer us healing and restoration for the hurt places in our personal lives and in the hurting relationships we may have with others. Its worth it to pour out our hearts and receive the peaceful refuge for our souls.

I thought Matt was the one getting older today?

2009-08-30T23:01:00.004-04:00

Today I had 2 experiences where I thought to myself, really?

1) Matt and I went to eat at Amedeos. Its an Italian restaurant near NCSU that we like a lot. I ordered a glass of Pino Grigio and was NOT carded. The boy serving me looked like he was probably a freshman to me...

2) I went to Harris Teeter at Cameron Village and bought some Bud Light to take the Tailgate on Thursday (GO PACK!)... once again I was not carded. Now, this one wouldn't have been as big of a deal, but the cashier has to by pass checking my ID on the computer.

So, my observation... I often am told that I look really young for my age (28), and often do get carded, but today something must have been oozing sophistication or getting older... what is that all about?

Also, I would have thought that being near a college campus they would be more careful about who they carded... maybe I look so past college age that isn't an issue? Not sure!

Oh well, I am embracing who I am. Young to some, Not worth Carding to others... Matt is still older than me anyways!

A potential experiment

2009-08-27T08:42:00.002-04:00

Matt's birthday is coming up on Sunday so it is his "Birthday Week" this week. During this week I try to go out of my way to be a little more selfless and considerate of him and am excited that we get to celebrate with a Beer Tasting at the Melting Pot tonight. Fun Times.

Well, Last night we went to Pei Wei for supper (my parents have given us several gift cards upwards of $150 worth to this place) so whenever we don't want to spend money that is where we go. I always get the same thing, Matt tries new things each time. We only have $25 left on gift cards... so probably one more time there...

Anyways we had some great conversation about our marriage. We don't spend that much time analyzing each other on a regular basis because we are generally very happy and love being married. But, there were a couple things that had us talking... anyways, I told Matt that I feel cherished by him because of the way he treats me... like he looks at me like I'm the best and hottest thing in the world and often can't keep his hands off of me. Sometimes I act annoyed by this, but in reality, I feel so very special and loved by him.

But, my concern was, did he feel the same thing from me? Because I don't show my love for him in the same way. He said, no, he actually felt the same way because I do things for him like... laundry, make lunches for him to take to work, etc. These things speak the same sentiments to his soul...

So, then we were joking and said maybe for a week we will trade places... I will oogle over him physically and he will pack me lunch and make dinner and stuff like that. It was fun to think about, but then we decided we would just start with trying it for ONE day first and see how it goes.

Not sure when its gonna happen, but it could be a fun day.

What do you do to express love?
How do you like to receive love?

Disturbingly humorous

2009-08-25T09:34:00.002-04:00

I recently added this blog to the "websites I look at" portion of my blog. This site is awesome for people who are interested in combatting human trafficking in big ways and in small ways. They include everything from humorous ways to consider the solutions to very serious news and stories of victims and survivors. They share government stats, opportunities to buy products to help survivors, etc. Please spend some time checking it our add it to your google reader. Its worth it!

A recent post caught my attention. I think you should read their commentary on it because it helps to explain why I would include this on my blog, but I thought it might be eye opening to some of you...

Warning, this video contains graphic language and you might get disturbed by it, but it also may make you laugh out loud.

One thing I admire about this, is the fact that it draws out our realistic stereotypes of folks who we think are pedophiles and traffickers. The reality is that you don't have to wear a pedophile beard or rapist glasses or a trench coat to be someone involved in sexually exploiting minors. Actually fathers, husbands, doctors, lawyers, pastors, school teachers, fire fighters, etc. are among those normal folks who participate in these crimes.

So, what can you do? You can join our team or donate to our team as folks from Jubilee are working to combat child sex trafficking in the US through raising funds for special operative teams who will be able to build cases to catch and convict pedophiles and traffickers and decrease the demand for trafficking victims.

Donate here
Find out more about SCTNow here

An refreshingly-odd picture of God

2009-08-25T09:25:00.002-04:00

A few conversations recently have pushed me to question how much we (Christians in the US, Raleigh, who I know, etc.) desire to have God be a part of our lives, of changing us and weather or not we even think that is possible... is being close to God something that is saved for a few people?

I don't think so! I believe that God wants to spend time with each one of us and cherishes us more than we can understand...

So my refreshingly-odd picture of God comes from Song of Songs, chapter 2 v. 8...

Ah, I hear my lover coming! He is leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills...

So, this could be talking about someone completely different than Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Abba father, but some think that one layer in the complexity of this book we find an allegory of God's love for his children.

I was just thinking about God going out of his way to leap over mountains and bound over hills to spend time with me. Its playful, its inspiring. Do I believe that God loves me that much? Do you?

What a wonderful family!

2009-08-22T16:08:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I get a little bogged down and cynical when it comes to my family. Basically, just a little bit feeling overwhelmed or uneasy with too much love... but, after spending the past few days at the beach with them I left feeling very thankful.

While playing in the waves on the beach my mom randomly asks me... "what is your favorite psalm?" like it is a typical conversation starter... it was a little odd at the time, and I kind of brushed it off like I didn't want to have that conversation, but the reality is that I hadn't really thought about it, so I didn't know how to respond.

After a bit more contemplation I would like to say:

1) Sorry Mom for brushing you off (I fee like I do that quite often with you guys and I'm asking for forgiveness)

2) How awesome is it that I can have conversations with my parents about everything from our health care system, legal practices, our favorite psalms, prayer requests and theological debates to our dream vacations to europe! I feel very blessed!

3) My favorite psalm... if forced to pick one would be Psalm 139, maybe because its one that I have memorized since my teenage years, or maybe because its something that I need to remind myself of on a daily basis.

4) One of the coolest things about the psalms from my perspective is that they encompass the vast array of emotional expression available to the human race. The Psalm writers were raw with emotion, questions, longings and reality. But, in the beginning and ending of all of the angst, somehow comes back to praise... I wonder if there is a lesson there?

Do you have a favorite psalm?

World's Collide

2009-08-19T08:14:00.003-04:00

Thank you to everyone who came out to Guest Host Night at Nofo last night. I think it will go down in my history books as one of my favorite experiences, at least in the top 15...

So what was so awesome? My world's colliding together... Almost all of the things I am passionate about were smashed into one experience.

1) NoFo: The cafe I work at and love, the people I work with and are becoming more than just co-workers, but friends, the business being willing to support something that is difficult to talk about, but important to me and Emily, Jubilee

2) All of the Visio Dei peeps that came out to represent! We had a great crowd and lots of positive energy. We were in a different setting and you all supported a great cause... our trip to Cambodia with Transform Asia. Thank you so much for everyone who came out.

3) Raising awareness for human trafficking victims locally and globally. Several tables came in and heard about sex trafficking for the first time. Most of them were willing to talk and even had some eye opening experiences.

I'm not sure what will come of it... will it start more conversations and action to combat slavery? will it get more folks interested in Jubilee? did it build a bigger client base for nofo? did my co-workers get good tips? will new conversations and deeper relationships happen?

What ever happens, I experienced a glimpse of the Kingdom of God last night and loved every minute of it.

Please Lord, use us despite ourselves. I have worry and doubt that I didn't talk to enough people or got too overwhelmed to really connect with folks, but I trust that you are in control. Grow opportunities to help individuals in Raleigh fall in love with you. Grow opportunities for safety and healing for victims of trafficking. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your movement to bring justice and freedom to the oppressed.

Bazaar--o-days at NOFO Cafe

2009-08-17T17:54:00.002-04:00

Today was one of the most bazaar days I've had in a long time. One of those where you feel like you are in the twilight zone and are caught between thinking skeptically about humanity and also wishing for the best in people.

I work at Nofo Cafe in 5points, Raleigh, NC. It is a cute little restaurant with lots of neighborhood regulars and a unique mix of folks who dine for business, with their families and little children... well, today was one that will go down in the books...

A middle aged man with quiet and calm mannerisms came in and asked for a table for 6 people. It was about 5 after 1 and I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay any longer, but my section had the room... so, there he sat, alone, waiting on the 5 others.

He asked for a screwdriver and a bowl of soup. I made them... the others were surely on their way soon. "They were banking at Cameron Village"... okay, I thought, no big deal, I'll just give the table to Tasha and forgo my two bucks if I want to get out of here... then, he proceeded to ask me if there was anyway he could pay for the entire bill for the cafe.

At first I thought he meant for his table, lots of people come in and do that. Ya know, make sure that they are the one who gets the check before any of their guests have a chance to protest, but NO, he meant, EVERYONE eating in the cafe. hmm.... not sure what to do...

We weren't that busy and there were only a few tables, and I didn't want to turn down his generosity, so Tasha and I figured out how to combine the rest of the open tickets and send them his way. It was pretty fun watching the faces and responses from people when I told them that a gentleman had already taken care of their bill... people were shocked at the generosity... some people even refused to accept it from a total stranger...

It got a bit sketchy after it was 2:39PM, we close at 3PM and none of his friends had shown up yet. He said that Don and Preston from Wachovia would be over shortly... I wanted to believe him.

Then he ordered a burger and fries and a second screwdriver, we were out of orange juice, but I figured I could squeeze some more if he was buying for everyone there. When I dropped off the second drink he asked me to get him the names of all of the wait staff. There were 4 of us on the floor today and I did as he asked. When I came back to bring him the $153 bill left over from the rest of the open tickets he handed me 4 $3,000,000.00 checks to hand out.

I passed them out the rest of the wait staff. At this point we knew his friends were not coming and it felt a little odd. Of course, I wanted to believe that this was legit... there are a lot of things I could do with that much $$$...

I asked him why he did it, and he said "standard practice"... I said, "That is hardly standard!" and I think it took him back, he just smiled and shook my hand and proceeded to tell me that he is related to the Kennedy family and wanted to share.

Okay, we'll see...

There was no way this could be possible.
He said that he will be getting wired $20 million tonight and that the bank folks should know who he is and that cashing the checks should not be a problem.

Well, when I went to the bank afterwards, I talked with the tellers. Unfortunately, he has a mental problem of some sort and only has .64 cents in his account right now. They don't think the money is coming... I am still holding on to a smigin of hope... we'll see tomorrow :)

I didn't cash it, but came home and took pictures of it.
The day that I got a $3 million tip! It will go down in the history books.

The bank tellers also said that the most I could get out of the check is $3 because of the way he wrote the hand written portion. I think he meant to write million though... if its real, we will work out that little detail :)

So, here I am debating on what to think. Should generosity shock us as much as it did today? Why does it? Many of us automatically go to "insane" or "sketchy" in situations like this... it was the case this time, but do we have it in us to be this generous? I want to believe we do...

Regardless, I hope that Mr. Winters has a great rest of the week and in his heart he believes that his generosity was able to change lives. It means a lot that he would consider blessing those he doesn't even know. In a way, even if I never see a dime and end up paying to cover the $153 food cost I will be better for experiencing this reckless giving.

Our bounty

2009-06-29T21:22:00.002-04:00

They keep growing and growing and growing! I had very low expectations for the plants that I planted, but we have had bookoos of tomatoes and enormous cucumbers.

I talked with my grandma about how to make pickles and I'm so sad because my cucumbers are too big :( I am going to have to pick the next ones sooner.

We have some green peppers that are on their way to being pickable as well. It is amazing to eat the food from our own garden.

I want to be a revolutionary

2009-06-26T09:47:00.001-04:00

One of the greatest injustices we do to our young people is to ask them to be conservative. Christianity is not conservative, but revolutionary. To be conservative today is to miss the whole point, for conservation means standing in the flow of the status quo, and the status quo no longer belongs to us... If we want to be fair, we must teach the young to be revolutionaries, revolutionaries against the status quo.

A quote from Francis Schaeffer. I really like it!

What do you think about it?

Lets take the challenge...

2009-06-26T08:41:00.001-04:00

Ladies, this is mostly to you, but I bet guys play the comparison game in their own ways too. Take about one minute to read this blog post... lets take this challenge :)

Hope... a quote

2009-06-15T17:02:00.000-04:00

Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are anger and courage. Anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain as they are.

- St. Augustine

I came across this quote today.

I like it!

I have the best husband in the world!

2009-06-15T09:17:00.002-04:00

I love Matt so much! He is really amazing, not just for what he does (which I am getting ready to tell you about), but for who he is, how much he supports me and makes me laugh.

I hate cleaning the bathroom, especially the bath tub. My former roommates know this all to well. But, in our house I try to do the maintenance cleaning on a regular basis, no hair in the sink, not gross rings in places that we don't want them, etc. But, for the past month my normal cleaning days have been filled with travel or work or weddings or something of the sort, so our bathroom was disgusting!!!

I wish I had before and after pictures for you...

Well, Matt took all day yesterday to deep clean the entire bathroom, I mean took everything out of it, washed it all down to the nitty gritty and even painted the toilet paper holder. Amazing!!

Here is to my husband! He rocks!

My latest on Trafficking

2009-06-12T10:12:00.001-04:00

Click Here to join the discussion!

A thought to ponder...

2009-06-09T08:54:00.001-04:00

Anyone who claims to know all the answers doesn't really know very much. But the person who loves God is the one whom God recognizes...

From Paul's letter to the Corinthians

Friends and Family

2009-06-09T08:42:00.002-04:00

Last week Matt's grandmother passed away. Its one of those situations where there is sorrow for death, something that doesn't completely make sense, but there is peace in believing that she is better off now than the suffering that she experienced the last few years of her life.

We made a quick trip down to Birmingham, AL. Matt's family comes from a part of town called Mountain Brook. It is beautiful! There is southern charm that just oozes from the streets. I got to hear stories from Jonathan (Matt's oldest brother) about Mimi (their gma's nickname). She lived a full life, held strong convictions and cared very deeply for her family. Her memorial service was a celebration of her life.

Going down there with Matt's family also gave me a chance to get to know them better (as you realize from my previous post). I am starting to feel like a sister to them now. Jokes, love, truth, picking on each other, etc. Very Cool!

Some other pics are from a wedding we recently got to go to. This dress is the one Matt gave me for Christmas... it took me 6 months to wear it out, but I got so many compliments on it, you are bound to see it again! Thanks babe! I got to pick out Matt's ties for AL and he wasn't too excited about the ones I picked out, but I like them and the one he wore grew on him throughout the day :)

my favorite quote from my brother in law

2009-06-08T16:01:00.002-04:00

The running joke of the few days I got to spend with Matt's brothers down in Birmingham was that I some how majored in Oprah in college and was a pro at helping the boys get in touch with their feelings. We did a lot of analyzing and laughing, but no tears (yet!)

Several times, there were conversations that began to turn towards the emotional and someone would say, "I sense an I feel statement coming on..."

We then later were discussing how much we used technology like facebook, twitter, and blogs. We asked Andrew if he was on twitter and he responded... "That is like 24-7 I feel statements to the world... I have trouble even doing that with ya'll, what do you think?"

I love that! It didn't occur to me how insightful that quote was until I read my previous blog post and thought, hmmm.... for the expressers, this is my "I feel" statement to the world outlet in many ways :)

screaming on the inside

2009-06-08T09:08:00.003-04:00

My life goes in waves... where I have a ton of balance, when I feel like I have all the time in the world, and when I feel like my head is spinning and I'm not doing anything to my full capacity... well, right now is the time when I feel like I'm running with too much on my mind to reflect the way I want, to see the people I want and I don't like it.

Now, I will preface this with, May has been crazy with traveling so much on the weekends and even during the week, with weddings and cramming all of my people time into the pockets of days that I happen to be in Raleigh. My hope is that as the traveling slows so will the racing in my soul... i'm going to check back in in a week or two and let you know if its been the in and out or if I'm trying to do too much.

The problem is, I don't know what I want to give up or even if I need to... Here are the things that keep my nights and weekends filled up...

Eating Disorders Anonymous-- If you read back through blog entries or remember how long it took me to get this started and how much I felt a calling towards this, you could understand why this needs to keep going.

Jubilee-- The human trafficking group I work with. I was reminded again this morning of one of the reasons I am so passionate about this injustice and travesty that happens locally and globally, but I feel a bit overwhelmed at times and wonder if anyone would care if I stopped coordinating everything...

My husband-- Our relationship is one of the most precious things to me. I will say that our travels together have provided some great time for us to connect and I am thankful for that. But, I have to protect time with him because its easy for me to just fill up all my nights with girlfriends or church people or new relationships or work or this group or that group. I'm thankful that he works a lot too because then we kind of are on the same wave length with balance in our relationship. He so special to me and I am thankful for the time that we get to spend together.

Our Families-- I have to admit that our families often fall in our priority lists because they aren't in front of us all the time. This makes me a little sad because I wish we had more time to build and grow relationships with both sides of our families. I recently got to spend quality time with his brothers and it was so much fun and then a quick trip visit with my parents reminds me of how great they are too!

Home Group-- Our church community is so precious to me. This is something that Matt and I get to do together as well and we get to connect with folks and it provides opportunities to grow as a learner, lover and giver. Not something we can give up.

Meeting with Friends and Visio Dei Folks-- This is one of my favorite parts of my job, but I prefer to meet for lunch or coffee or walk. But, since most people aren't as flexible as myself an I often want Matt to hang out with other couples, it feels like I'm cramming things in sometimes and feel guilty when I can't find a night to have dinner with people I care a lot about or want to get to know better. Its hard for me to balance my needs with what I see as potential friendships and God working through relationships with folks. Not mention friends that I don't get to see as often as I would like and we have to work for months in advance to plan a night to see each other, things like watching tv shows together, playing Bunko, etc.

NOFO-- I manage at Nofo every other Friday night. I was seriously considering giving this up as I was going on my run this morning. But, is it enough to make a difference? I really enjoy it and its my one opportunity to work the night shift on a regular basis and that is fun for me. Plus, it brings in an extra $100 or so a month, which I enjoy as well.

So, that is just a window into whats going on with me right now and how come my blog posts have been few and far between over the past several weeks.

I don't want to let anything go... in reality I just want to add more... where is my little green planner? Gotta check and see whats on tap for this week!

The joys of a small kitchen

2009-06-02T10:06:00.002-04:00

On Memorial Day I spent several hours cleaning and rearranging my kitchen. I was so proud of myself for all the success I had. We threw out stuff we didn't need and consolidated things so I have an entire counter with nothing on it. This is a huge accomplishment for us!

However, this means that I put everything else on the other counter (microwave, toaster, coffee maker, blender, knives, kitchen utensils). These are all in the space between our wall and our stove (about 3 feet, if that?) Well, I was jazzed about it, until this morning.

I was making my usual eggs, toast, juice, coffee and water and failed to notice that the cord from the coffee maker was in the toaster slot... i was only toasting one piece...

As I was cooking my omelet (I've perfected these now)! Something went "Pop!" and "Spark!"... I was sooo lucky that we didn't start a fire.

So, no more working coffee maker, we will go back to using our 4 cup pot (a good thing probably), but we have a bunch of cone filters if anyone needs them...

No more working fuses in the kitchen, Matt didn't have time to fix it before leaving...

But, our $10 microwave survived! Yeah! Oh yeah, and I still got to enjoy my omelet and made Matt's waffles in the oven. Delish!

Big Island VA

2009-05-26T08:49:00.004-04:00

On Sunday afternoon Matt and I got to venture out to the country to visit my Aunt Martha, Uncle Melvin, and cousins Sara, Teresa and Kim. Sara just graduated from college so lots of family were out there.

This was only my second venture out to the country side and it was lots of fun. One of Melvin's multiple 'jobs' is raising cows. Matt and I got to to help feed them.

We were give the opportunity to ride his 4 wheeler around their 80 acre plot of land. It was beautiful, fun and little scary at times. I think my husband looks hot on that sweet ride!!

We rode right up into the middle of a herd of cattle. Seeing the 2-3 ton bull about 5 feet away was a bit disconcerting, but I feel like I did a pretty good job hanging in there. I even got to drop the feed bucket in and have the cows quickly surround me. You better believe I dropped the feed and ran like a little girl!

Matt got right into character though. It was neat to see him be into it. There were a few cows that escaped from a hole in the fence and they had to chase them back in. Pretty sweet!

I'm glad I have all different sorts of family members. Fun times!

John 17/ Lectionary/ FOJs

2009-05-26T08:26:00.003-04:00

I am thankful to be included in a group of people who call ourselves "Friends of Jesus". Its a group full of pastors and those pursuing the "kingdom of God" in tangible ways. It got started when Shane Claiborne came to Raleigh about a year ago. We meet once a month to encourage and pray for one another and to meditate in community using the lectionary reading for the week. Here is the first example that popped up on google for lectionary readings 2009.

*Side Note* I come from a Presbyterian tradition that used a lectionary, but when I was growing up I didn't know that was the case. Now I am part of church community that has gotten away from this tradition. I'm not quite sure how it got started or much about why people use it (I have some guesses though). Anyways, this past weekend (just after meeting with the FOJs) I attended a worship gathering of my parents church community. They too use this system for teaching and worship. So I got to think about the same things again. Is the link I found a credible one? Anyone want to offer insight into why and where this came about?

I feel humbled to be a part of this group of folks. Its weird to me that I get counted as equal with them. In my world, these folks are some of those I consider to be a "big deal." I am pretty sure I am the youngest one attending and am one of only 2 women, the other of whom is ordained. But, there is something about the way they listen to me and encourage me that empowers my spiritual journey and leadership in ways that I haven't quite felt before. To any of those folks who are reading this... Thank you!

The passage I have been thinking about since then is John 17. Its Jesus prayer for his disciples and then those who will believe through those who walked with Jesus while he was around 2000 years ago. If Jesus had a desire for us... those believing now... this would be it! Wow! A window into the heart of the one I follow.

Things I am learning? Jesus desires for me to be one with the Father just as he is one with the father. Jesus says that his glory will be revealed in US! Jesus asks for our protection and our unity. Unity with one another in community and unity with God, Jesus himself, and the Holy Spirit. To believe that we have his Spirit. To believe and feel and act on the Love of God. Just as Jesus did!

What does this mean to me?

Complete surrender
Complete assurance of purpose
Complete awe of God's power at work in me, at work in you!

Do you ever consider yourself one with God? With Jesus? With the Spirit? Why? Why Not? What is Holding you back? The freedom, passion, grace and assurance of living up to what Jesus has already given us is amazing. I am in that spot for the moment and hope to hold onto it for just a little while longer until again I ask for help with my unbelief.

Joys of Spring Time

2009-05-21T09:22:00.002-04:00

Now that we are attempting to grow a garden I regularly walk through the yard to check on my plants, water and try to get things to grow. On Tuesday, Matt and I went out together...

One of the things we noticed is how there are several branches in our big oak tree that are either already disconnected and ready to impale our cars during the next storm or are dead and need to be cut off. In order to get one of them down I sat on Matt's shoulders and grasped onto the limb, then pulled it down far enough for us to reach. Then for the next 20 minutes Matt worked on breaking it down... we got it!

Then we checked out our garden. Our tomato plant is producing fruit already. Its so cool to see them out there. I am going to try my own hand at fried green tomatoes in the not too distant future :)

And, I think we may be seeing the beginning of some basil. I have never been able to get anything from a seed to grow before. So if this is basil I will be ecstatic. If you want to know how... Round 1 of planting basil (no success)... follow the directions, poke holes and put one seed in at a time... Round 2 of planting basil (possibly success)... dump the entire baggy of seeds into the pot and then stir the dirt around until it is all mixed together. The bag said it could produce up to 120 plants, so I am thinking if I get one I am doing pretty good :)

PSA wins Award

2009-05-20T08:43:00.000-04:00

This PSA done by the Not For Sale Campaign just won a Clio Award. Hopefully it will help spread even more awareness.

Atalnta Adventures

2009-05-19T09:11:00.003-04:00

My trip to Atalanta last weekend was a blast. I think I post similar thoughts every time I go to visit Charlotte, but its like a breath of fresh air. When I am with Charlotte all my true colors come out without me having to try. Its fun, deep, unique, vibrant, and full of present moment soaking in fun.

We started out by going to dinner at South City Kitchen on Thursday night. This Midtown hot spot was a good find. Its located across the street from a club called "The Opera". We didn't go inside this time but reminissed from Charlotte's 21st birthday party. That was the place where I chipped my tooth on an Amstel Light bottle.

After leaving South City we walked a few bars down to meet up with one my high school friends and her husband. I'm so glad that Michelle and Charlotte have become running and 80s dance party buds.

Then onto bed at the Geletka B&B! We slept in and then took a much needed walk to the french bakery down the street. If I lived in Atlanta Alon's would break my bank account. Its delicious and the choices are amazing.

We got to spend some quality girl time while Matt went to his conference and Rob onto work. Then that evening Charlotte & I went out Sex in the City style to One Midtown Kitchen. We were greeted by valet parking and then on into the massive metal doors. Our short white haired host welcomed us with true midtown Atlanta charm.

Do we go out or not? Well, the consensus was, more quality conversation on Charlotte's front porch enjoying the delicious Chateau Motelleana wine. If you have seen the move 'Bottle Shock' this wine was from that winery. Good wine goes great with friends :)

Then more sleeping, walking, coffee and a yoga session. (I was the instructor). It was much needed as my IT band is still in recovery mode from the 60 miles and beach work out weekends preceding this one.

After waiting out a rain storm we headed out to a true Louisiana style Craw fish boil. We got up close and personal with some little crustations. It was a charity benefit for the Make a Wish Foundation. But, it seemed like a frat party. Its amazing how many different types of people there are there. I also got to get a first hand run in with Charlotte's doggie obsession. I hope its a phase!

All in All a great trip!

The Rowe Garden

2009-05-13T08:52:00.002-04:00

Thanks to the help of our friends Jaylen and Smith, we were able to clear out a place to begin growing a few veggies. The tomatoes are already doing great. If the flowers actually become fruit I think we will get at least 11 tomatoes.

Then we planted arugula, cucumbers, peppers & zucchini. I am hopeful for these little sprouts. We shall see how it goes.

Anyone have any tips for us?

Planting a Garden...

2009-05-03T21:16:00.002-04:00

I'm on p. 111 of Enough: Contentment in an Age of Excess by Will Samson. Today I got into the part of the book that starts talking about specifics, what 'our' problems are and some suggestions to begin solving them.

*When I say 'our', I am talking about American's in general... and more specifically American Christians. You may or may not identify with the generalities and statistics, but this is how the book defines it and how I am reading it.

One of the chapters discusses how our bodies (physically, emotionally, mentally & spiritually) are being affected by our over-consumption. One of the stats that stuck out to me was that the United Nations said in 2000 that the amount of people suffering from 'over nutrition' had officially surpassed the amount of people suffering from malnutrition. This has to speak to how we in the country with the highest child obesity rate live our lives as massive consumers.

I could go on with more depressing stats and thoughts about where we are as a culture, but you can read the book if you want more of that... anyways, Samson does a great job of offering suggestions for those of us who want to combat this in ways that connect us with how Jesus may have wanted us to live....

One of his suggestions was to plant a garden. Planting a garden has the possibility to connect us with all of our senses to the process of gaining our resources, we will appreciate them more and consider how much time and effort it takes to actually get the food from the seed to our plate... maybe?

Well, I have tried to plant a few things and I'm terrible at it. A month ago my cousin and her fiance were in town and helped us plant rosemary, thyme, basil, mint, and tomatoes. The only one of those that is still growing is one of the tomato plants. This is a huge success, but the rest are gone or non existent. I am frustrated!

Then I went to Amanda's tonight and she has the beginnings of a raised garden and I know that she has a desire to live simply and be a part of the growing process. I hope to learn from her a bit, but if I'm completely honest, this having to take my time to garden is not instantly gratifying enough for me. I think that might be part of Samson's point and its hard to take. I want the instant!

So, I had another thought, maybe I could go half-way and join a co-op of some sort. The Chewies are part of one and I could learn from them. Its hard to change, even the little things.

AIDS Walk & Ride

2009-05-03T14:44:00.004-04:00

Yesterday was an eventful day for many in the Visio Dei community! For the third year in a row we participated in the Alliance of AIDS Services, NC Walk & Ride. The first 2 years I did the 30 mile bike ride, the first year I cried, the second year I cursed, and then this year I had the bright idea of doing 60 miles to add to the pain... seriously? Yep!

Well, it was awesome. I had my iPod with me this year which helped a ton. I actually didn't listen to it until about mile 20. But I loved listening to my skitzo music collection, a little Amy Grant, a little Beyonce, a little Phil Whickam, a little Colbie Cailat, and the some Ludakris... anyways It helped the time pass. I also was inspired because our team was the top in donations and participants. Go Team Visio Dei! Thank you to all who contributed!

Our team was awesome. We had some mountain bikers out there, some folks who hadn't ridden their bikes in over a year and then some who smoked everyone, plus those of us in between.

These pictures kind of show a play by play of the experience, Pre-Race, Half Way--- Mile 45 or so, and then the end. I really think that was the best burrito I have ever had!

I think one of the things that made it most enjoyable for me this year was that I let go of a little bit of my competitiveness. I was competitive with myself in that I did the 60 miles, but not with other people. I wasn't able to keep up with Shannon, Scott & Amy except the first mile or so after each rest stop, but I was okay with that. I have to admit that one of the reasons I cried the first year is because I thought I was going to finish last. Its a slow learning process for me. I'm not going to be the best at everything...

Well, it was fun and I'm glad I did it. So far I'm not too sore, we'll see how I feel in the morning.

enough

2009-05-01T09:51:00.003-04:00

I have a friend, Mike, who is big into internet communication and helping people find info about books and helpful resources for life following Jesus. He asked me to participate in an exercise where I get to review books. This means that I get to pick from a selection of books and then review them on my blog and also on the ooze.

My first book to review is 'enough: Contentment in an Age of Excess' by Will Samson. I received the book last week and started reading it two days ago. It is 161 pages long, so my plan is to write 3 separate posts that will help me to actually say something about my process through reading the book. I'm currently on page 65.

Here are my current thoughts:

The forward and introduction to the book were very helpful because the first several chapters are a bit of repeat of ideas that I have learned and thought about recently... a biblical, Christ follower perspective on stuff, not much new so far. I'm looking forward to the later parts of the book where he offers some practical suggestions. I think that is the piece that many of us are searching for.

The most compelling part of his writing at this point has been the way that he introduces each chapter. He basically gives an excerpt from Jesus' interaction with the rich young ruler and alters Jesus response to model how we (many Christians in America) have heard Jesus respond. Here is one clip...

One day Jesus was walking down Main Street on his way out of town, and rich and influential young lawyer came up to him and asked him: "Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" And Jesus replied, "Great question! I've never thought of that before. Give me some time to get back to you on that one." And the man went away pleased, because he really wasn't ready for any big changes at this point in his life. p. 53

This one caught my attention because I agree that often I ask for Jesus to tell me something and already know the answer, but I act as if he still hasn't told me yet.

For me it all goes back to understanding the sacrifice that Jesus made and the hope that he has given us, and how that propels us into radical life changing action. I'm not saying I'm there at all, just on my journey and hoping not to stop at comfort with 'eternal security' but to take part in the call to live as Jesus did here and now.

So, be looking for more to come from my reflecting on this book and others I receive from the ooze.

Upon Reflection

2009-04-29T08:39:00.004-04:00

I go through spurts every now and then where I read lots of books. I am on one of those right now. But, before starting my next read I decided to get some of my thoughts out there about the recent reads. Over the past few months I have read...

The Shack, by Wm. Paul Young
Sex God, by Rob Bell
The Last Temptation of Christ, by Nikos Kazantzakis
More Ready than you Realize, by Brian McLauren
Leadership Essentials by Greg Ogden & Daniel Meyer

Sometimes its easy just to pick up the next one and keep going, but I NOT going to do it! I believe it might be due to reading some of these books in combination with my trip to Israel and my new found passion for prayer, but I do have some mental shifts that I am excited about.

It was hard for me to get into The Last Temptation of Christ because I was so confused about what was going on, who was who and how something could be so "off" from the biblical narrative, but also so "close". I was LOST! Then, I adjusted in my mind, "It is fiction, just keep reading." Then, I was okay... until the end... I was getting pretty pissed off by the last couple chapters... I don't want to spoil it for anyone, but the "dream" Jesus was having got me closer to imagining what temptations he may have really gone through when he walked on this earth.
I almost thought he was going to give into them (the temptations). What would this world be like if he had not died and rose again? AHHH! I can't go there, because I believe that the biblical accounts are true.
Have you ever imagined that Jesus as a human had similar longings to what we have? For marriage, for sex, for deep friendship that doesn't backfire on us? To be known and accepted completely by other humans? If he was truly a human and truly a diety at the same time I do think he would have these REAL temptations, not just a good story that we think about happening 2000 years ago, but real life struggles. *I'm not saying he had all of these, but he could have??
Yet, he conquered these temptations. He was able to submit himself to God and be selfless enough to give up the longings that were so appealing.
I think the major thing that I have been learning is how REAL the Bible is... REAL in a way that is beyond the mythical stories that only carry trite phrases or life lessons for us to glean to help ourselves, but true stories of real people who God is working through. These people are examples and hope for us.... just consider the book of Hebrews in the New Testament...

I'm not trying to make some deep theological statements (or at least I don't think I am), but what I'm trying to say is that I feel more connected to the reality of scripture and Jesus and God and the Gospel than ever before. The fact that we aren't separated from God when we allow the Holy Spirit to move in our lives, the fact that Jesus really has gone through everything that I have gone through, the fact that God mourns with us, rejoices with us, and loves us more than we can imagine. The fact the we are called to serve, be selfless, and follow and we can do it, with God's help and we aren't alone in it.

A combination of experience, scripture, books, prayer, calling, & reflection... It will keep going.
Have you learned or read anything good recently?

What a great weekend!

2009-04-27T08:49:00.005-04:00

This weekend was a lot of fun! It started out with a Friday full of friends, lunch with Robyn at the Morning Times, bike ride with Jenny & Barry, dinner at The Point with Hunt & Jessica, then roasting marshmallows and drinking wine on the Chewies back patio... can spring get any better?

After a meeting on Saturday morning it was laundry and wine tasting time with the hubby!

*Even though meetings are still 'work', it is exciting to be a part of what God is doing in the life of our church community. There are some heavy and difficult things going on right now, but at the same time there is a ton to celebrate and I am thankful to be privileged to be a part of the highs and the lows.

When Matt and I got home, for some reason I thought we weren't "connecting", so we got to talk about our feelings, have dinner and take a walk after the sun went down. Thanks Babe for being patient and generous with me.

Sunday was full of more meetings, worship, and then a day of errands with Matt, yet more connecting time! Then we took a 'joy ride' on our bikes. Neither one of us expected to be sweating as bad as we did while we were riding our racing bikes in our flip flops, but we had a great time exploring our neighborhood and attempting to get the itch for a mansion out of our systems by gawking at other's.

*Good finds: 4 Avacado's for $1.25 on clearance at Harris Teeter & a mouse trap that I think just worked... just got off the phone with Matt but am too nervous to look inside of it... that will be for another blog post.

One other thing, I almost forgot... my brother's family has updated a bunch of pictures. Seeing these makes me happy.

The Busy Bee

2009-04-22T08:25:00.003-04:00

The Busy Bee: In the heart of Downtown, this renovated old hot spot is a new trendy spot for the urbanite.

After a few weeks of thinking about eating here I finally got to go yesterday with my friend Nicole. I will remember to ride my bike next time I go because parking on Wilmington St. can be a pain at 12:30 in the afternoon.

I am convinced that the stress of finding the narrow, two story, hip cafe was worth it. The menu is decked out with burgers, sandwiches, salads & small plates. I got the Shaved Ham, ham, pineapple, black bean spread & frisee. Served with choice of side, I went for the fried green tomatoes. Price tag $8

Frisee is a fancy word for lettuce. (I had to ask, it was a toss up between cheese and lettuce). Delish! Next time I want to try the Veggie.

I will say that they need a sign on the upstairs back door that says "TO PATIO" or something to that effect. We were going to try to sit outside, but couldn't figure out how to get there. We weren't the only ones who opened the door to someone's office trying to find our way...

I have yet to try the cocktails, but I hear they are pretty delicious, next time when I sit at the long bar in the evening with friends I will try one (or two).

The Rockford

2009-04-21T16:36:00.004-04:00

The Rockford (they don't have a website or at least not one I could find):
Located on Glenwood South at 320 1/2 (the only restaurant I know with a .5 address)

Matt and I had our first date here. I will never forget my crabcake sandwich and his ABC. We sat a small wooden table on the far right side of the place. It was a Sunday evening and we had great conversation. That was my first time there and I had no idea that it would soon become one of my favorites.

You have to walk up a skinny flight of stairs that opens up to a small but chic bar and cafe. The waitstaff is friendly, but not over the top. At times there is a long line (especially at night).

Once seated you can check out one of their unique specials or go for a sandwich or salad. My personal favorite, the Turkey Avacado (can you see a theme with the avacados?). I had this on Friday, Marbled Rye bread, turkey, pepper jack cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato, guacamole pressed panini style and served with your choice of seasonal side. Price tag $7.75

I have never been too crazy about the sides here, but that is okay because I need all the room to finish my delcious sandwich.

NoFo Cafe

2009-04-21T15:10:00.002-04:00

NoFo Cafe: Located in the eclectic 5 Points community, established in 2002. I have worked there since Feb. 2004

I have worked at NoFo for over 5 years and still love the food. Some of the items have changed and others have been a consistent delicious mouthful.

NoFo used to be the local Piggly Wiggly grocery store and is decorated with memorabilia to match. There is even a hand-blown glass chandelier imported from the Czech Republic. Complete with a wine wall and fun martini list, NoFo makes a great place to go for lunch, brunch or dinner.

On the lunch menu you can't go wrong with the Grilled Tai Chicken Wrap completed with Broccoli Salad... Grilled Chicken, cucumbers, carrots, lettuce, and peanut sauce all wrapped up in a spinach tortilla: Broccoli, raisins, cheddar cheese, bacon, green onions and a special sauce to die for :) $8.75

Other favorites are the unbeatable sweet potato fries (served salty, not sweet) and the Shrimp BLT with Cheddar Macaroni.

Service? I do my best :)

Side Street Cafe

2009-04-21T14:34:00.000-04:00

1) Side Street Cafe: In Historic Oakwood, founded in 1979 (same year my brother was born)

When I walk into this cafe feels like I just walked into my grandma's house. It is decked out with white linen table cloths and old timey paintings (like the ones my grandpa and gg did) hanging on the walls. Once you sit down, the menu has almost 30 sandwich options to choose from. However, there always seems to be only one or two people working in the whole place, so you may have to wait a bit longer for your sweet tea than desired.

My favorite bite hands down is the Avacado-crush-onyou-sweeteepie! Yep, wholewheat bread, avacado, lettuce, tomato, onion, honey mustard, (choice of bacon, turkey, or xtra avacado) and swiss cheese. All sandwiches come with your choice of side and a slice of orange for dessert. Price tag? only $6.75

I got to have my birthday party there. They opened the place on a Saturday night just for me and my crew. It was a blast and with carafe's of wine for only $8 you can out of there without killing your pocket book either.

*Watch out though, they only take cash or NC checks.

Restaurant Contest

2009-04-21T14:24:00.002-04:00

I go through spurts where I have lots of lunches out with folks. I feel like I was having a dry spell for a while, but now I have been back at it in the past few weeks. I will describe my favorite dishes and ambience at 4 spots in Raleigh with similar prices/options and would like to get your votes on which one is the best...

1) Side Street Cafe

2) Nofo Cafe

3) Rockford

4) Busy Bee

Descriptions to come...

PAUSE

2009-04-21T09:03:00.004-04:00

Several people have been wondering where we are on the house project... the key word here, "pause".

We don't think we are going to do anything right now... here is why...

1) We aren't convinced that we 'need' it
2) We have lived in our house for 3.5 years just fine and don't feel rushed to change.
3) There is a possibility for us to save some money due to low interest rates or high competition in the market right now, but realistically it will only be several thousand dollars. It seems wise to us to get what we really want v. trying to time it right.
4) If we do end up doing it, we really want a master on the bottom floor and a large front porch. The architect we met with tried to convince us otherwise.
5) We want to get a few more estimates.
6) Dreaming about what our lives could look like if we stay in our house longer is very exciting.

I was reading a quote this morning from Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis.. Uncle Wormwood (the devil) says, "Prosperity knits a man to the World. He feels that he is 'finding his place in it,' while really it is finding its place in him. His increasing reputation, his widening circles of acquaintances, his sense of importance, the growing pressure of absorbing and agreeable work, build in him a sense of being at home on Earth, which is just what we want."

This may sound a bit radical, but if you know me very well, its not... basically its just a thought that we want to keep considering as we are moving forward and one of the items that contributes to us hitting "Pause".

Happy Birthday Abigail

2009-04-20T09:52:00.004-04:00

Last night Matt and I got to help celebrate Abigail's 3rd Birthday. We realized when we got there we were the only adults there without children of our own... "What are we getting ourselves into?"

We had a blast. Lets see, on top of watching all of the fathers and their children and how much they cared for them, we got to do a few things that were out of the norm for us...

Carry around Jonathan
Feed a bottle, I found out that you actually have to tip the bottle up in order for the milk to come out. Apparently 7 month olds can't yet drink from a 'straw'
Put together a princess scooter
Help Emma become Bat Woman
Play basketball with the boys down stairs

The fun goes on!

On top of all of that we got to eat delicious cake, snack mix, pork tenderloin, pasta salad, cranberry-cashew-pear-poppy seed salad... Yum!

We love all of our friends who share their lives with us, kids and all. Although, I am thankful that when we left and got home we were alone... no bath time, no diaper changes :) I hope you enjoy the pictures.

Its Open Now!

2009-04-18T10:22:00.001-04:00

I just received word from the Hope House...

From the Founder,

It is with joy and excitement that I write this letter to inform you that On Eagles Wings Ministries has now opened the first faith based, no government funding, shelter for domestic minor sex trafficking victims in the US. Lack of appropriate shelter for these victims is a major problem and there are less than 50 beds available. We will be able to take up to 5 girls under the age of 18 who have been prostituted. We often get the question "does this really happen?"

Unfortunately it happens all over the US. Our children are for sale.

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children estimate up to 300,000 of our youth are at risk of being sexually exploited each year. According to the Department of Justice, the majority of American victims of commercial sexual exploitation tend to be runaway or thrown away youth who live on the streets who become victims of prostitution. These children generally come from homes where they have been abused, or from families that have abandoned them. Other young people are recruited into prostitution through forced abduction, pressure from parents, or through deceptive agreements between parents and traffickers. Among children and teens living on the streets in the United States, involvement in commercial sex activity is a problem of epidemic proportion. Approximately 55% of street girls engage in formal prostitution. Of the girls engaged in formal prostitution, about 75% worked for a pimp. Pimp-controlled commercial sexual exploitation of children is linked to escort and massage services, private dancing, drinking and photographic clubs, major sporting and recreational events, major cultural events, conventions, and tourist destinations. About one-fifth of these children become entangled in nationally organized crime networks and are trafficked nationally. They are transported around the United States by a variety of means - cars, buses, vans, trucks or planes, and are often provided counterfeit identification to use in the event of arrest. The average age at which girls first become victims of prostitution is 12-14. It is not only the girls on streets that are affected -- for boys and transgender youth, the average age of entry into prostitution is 11-13.

The Hope House offers a safe place of seclusion, restoration and healing for domestic minor sex trafficking victims. Our program is a 3 stage process with a minimum of a one year commitment (or until their 18th birthday), with the understanding that we will not hold anyone against their will. We focus on complete restoration using biblical principals. We place strong emphasis on security, keeping the survivors safety our first priority. Each potential resident goes through an intake process to determine if they have been a victim of sex trafficking before being accepted into the program. All volunteers are given a criminal background check. Our program includes counseling, life skills, educational classes, case management, health care, recreation and spiritual mentorship.

We are committed to operating with a standard of excellence. We are committed to helping our survivors understand who they are in Christ and working with them for complete healing and restoration. We are committed to safety and security of our survivors, allowing them to achieve their goals without fear. We do not believe in an institutional type setting; we strive for a family environment and operate with House Parents. We are committed to raising awareness about sex trafficking not only within our own community, but nationwide.

Story of the Thorns

2009-04-15T09:33:00.003-04:00

This story is worth a read, it was written by one of my friends several years ago... we probably all have thorny places we are being or need to be led through...

Close your eyes and imagine a deep, dark forest with many thorns and bushes that can entangle you. You look and see only one narrow path. The path is clear and it will lead to the other side of the forest. The thought of the path you have taken and lived, as well as the task of continuing to cross the forest blinds you completely, just as you have been blinded many times before.

You hear the sound of a familiar voice as a person approaches you. You shake in fear. Suddenly a sweet voice says, "Take my hand and I will lead you to the other side. I am the master of this trail."

You hesitate and say, "My way has always worked. I'm in control."

However, reluctantly you touch the hand of the Master. The grip is not tight, but nice. The journey begins through the forest. You can feel the thorns touch you and immediately you feel out of control. Filled with fear, you let go of the Master's hand trying to make it through the woods by yourself. You choose an alternate path and begin to get entangled, pierced and bruised by the thorns. You become hopeless and out of control.

Suddenly you recall the Master's voice. Where is he? Gently you feel the thorns removing themselves from your battered body and the entanglement is gone. Hmmmm it's Grace.

You are still blinded but are not safely on the right path. The decision is yours to go back to your own path and continue to be entangled, battered and bruised, or to stay on the Master's path and trust the Master's hand.

"Hold my hand and I will lead you." He says.

In desperation, you grasp the Master's hand with a firm grip. Yet, somehow the forest is still scary and unknown. Blind and bruised, you hold on in faith. In fear, with a shaky voice you ask, "What's on the other side of the forest?"

The Master answers with simple, powerful words, "I know the plans I have for you. Plans for you to have a prosperous future."

With a gentle touch, the Master says, "My eyes can see what yours cannot."

Amazed you ask, "What did I dod to receive such joy, prosperity and a hopeful future?"

The Master paused and sweetly said, "Hold on to me. It is my grip that leads you. The problem is when you leave my side, get in front of me and let go of my hand. The path you have chosen in the past is scary and entangles and traps you. Faith is holding on to my hand not knowing where I am taking you but believing that life on the other side of the forest is better for you. It is the path that only I could lead you on."

So you grasp the hand of the Master and many times through your journey you find yourself entangled. Yet, the Master gently unwraps you and sets you back on the right path. As you walk with the Master, you can feel his tears fall down onto your wounds healing them immediately. Your tight grip on His hand is secure and gives you hope. Your eyes are beginning to open. And though you know the journey will be long, you know that your security lies in the hand of the Trail Master.

--Glenda Osorio

I need to sleep-- lots of randomness

2009-04-13T22:25:00.005-04:00

Its been a long day, a great day at that, but I just finished watching 24 and for some reason that show gets my heart rate up higher than when I am running. I was sitting there on my couch and my whole body was twitching almost... How can tv do that to a person??

I don't want to spoil the plot for anyone who hasn't caught it yet, but I didn't see this twist coming. How many hours do we have left?

So, in order to get my mind off of it I went to facebook for a while... I need a new book to read!

Tomorrow I hope to give my run down of The Last Temptation of Christ. You may remember that I wanted to complete it before Easter and it was done on Saturday. Go me!

Another cool thing that happened today... Lily's Pizza. I know you all love it! I went tonight and they accidently burnt the edge of my crust, so they brought me that piece and then cooked me an entire other piece of pizza. I was hungry, so I ate the slightly burnt one. It was still delicious, and now I have dinner for tomorrow night for free.

Life is good :)

Update on Lent

2009-04-08T09:04:00.007-04:00

It would be out of character for me not to post something super spiritual during Holy Week, but for some reason I am not feeling 'inspired' with great insights to share with the masses... I do have a couple thoughts to share

Thought One:
Alcohol/ Wine: I tried to give up alcoholic beverages for the season of Lent. Upon further reflection, I decided to only give up wine in efforts to become more aware of my motives behind drinking. I realized how much my motives were impure and how much I got out of other's thinking I was doing this really hard thing. After working through those issues, it became easier for me to let go of what other's thought and to focus on my relationship with God in this whole process.

What did I find? Without considering what other's thought, I felt more freedom and also more guilt. I realized that it would have been more honoring to Jesus for me to give it all up.

I have rationalized many scenarios in my mind. Good ones too! I am so thankful that I don't have to hold onto that guilt. So, this week I am going to be a purist! Its going to be hard tonight because I an going to Helios and they have $3 beer specials and I really want to dry their Spring Bock. But, now it is between me and God, desiring to connect with the sacrifice and remember the pain. (like not drinking one beer connects me at all with being nailed to a cross or disowned by your closest friends??) Not so much, but it is allowing me to enter into the season with a deeper respect for my creator-turned human- willing to die and willing to feel just like we do.

Thought Two:

I am reading a book, "The Last Temptation of Christ" by Nikos Kazantzakis. I haven't finished it yet, but I have about 100 pages left and my goal is to complete it before Easter. This book is amazing. It is fiction, but describes what Jesus' life and relationships could have been like. After being in Israel and seeing the places described in this book, it brings the bible even more to life, as I picture the friendships he has with his disciples, real relationships. This book is bringing me closer to understanding why it is such a big deal that he died and ROSE again! Thanks George for the book! Once I'm done, I will do a more complete review.

Thought Three:

Our scripture on Sunday was from the gospel of John. I have been reading through John's account of the final week, and will continue until Sunday. One segment stood out to me...

Many people did believe in him, however, including some of the Jewish leaders. But they wouldn't admit it for fear that the Pharisees would expel them from the synagogue. For they loved human praise more than the prasie of God.

This has made me ask myself: Where do I love human praise more than the praise of God? Who are the Pharisees I want to impress and be included by in my life?

Have you learned anything over this lenten season?

People should read this...

2009-04-02T09:56:00.003-04:00

Today, I'm working on updating the information that we give out at our Newcomer's Reception at Visio Dei. The first page describes what we are about as a community. Being around the lingo of learner, lover, giver for several years, sometimes it becomes a bit cliche and I forget what is behind our catchy terminology...

But now, reading through these descriptions, I was reenergized and am pumped about what we are about and we are moving towards. None of us have achieved all of this yet, its a journey and a process.

If you have been around Visio for a while and need a reminder: READ ON
If you are new to Visio: READ ON
If you have no connection to our church: READ ON

I would love to hear thoughts and questions about these statements!

Welcome to Visio Dei
… seeking and showing the face of God in our community and the world…

As a community, it is our desire to be constantly seeking and showing the face of God in our community and our world. We long to become more like Jesus and to seek out who God truly created us to be. We realize that this does not happen immediately and is probably more of a journey or even as graceful as a dance as we, step by step, figure these things out together.
This could be described in many different ways, and we have chosen to use a few words that have a lot of meaning behind them to help us along the way. As a community becoming more like Christ, we want to be growing as learners, lovers, and givers.

Learners
We want to be growing as learners... learners of God's story and our place in it. This does not mean that we need to create a checklist of how we can become smarter than those around us. This simply means that we want to learn more of who our God is and how we got to where we are now. The story of the Bible is one of the most beautiful and captivating stories ever told, and we believe that it offers truth as to who we are and what we were created for. We also believe that we can learn from one another as we are seeking to become more like Jesus together.

Lovers
We want to be growing as lovers of God, those around us, and His creation (1 Corinthians 13). It is possible, without love, to have all of the things that this world has to offer and still have no peace. We believe that, as we grow in learning the story of God and realize His love for each of us and the world, we will only be able to respond with love.

Givers
We want to be growing as givers of all that we have been given. Believing that we have all been uniquely created and gifted, this requires us to not only seek, but pursue our own talents, giftedness, and passions so that we can offer them back to the world. Wrapped up in this is a notion that we are blessed to be a blessing to the world around us (Genesis 12).

A Quote to think about

2009-04-02T09:21:00.002-04:00

Each time a [person] stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr., from an address given to South African young people on their Day of Affirmation, 1966

Human Trafficking and Men?

2009-04-01T08:48:00.003-04:00

If you have been following my blog for any length of time you know that I deeply care about victims of sex trafficking and human trafficking in general. I am part of a group, Jubilee, that meets 2x a month to discuss ways we can be a part of the solution.

We have been meeting for about 2 years now and are actually getting some good direction, action items, and see where we can be effective as a group of volunteers. Since the time we have been meeting we have had a fluctuation of folks in and out of our group. At one point we actually did have 4-5 men who were coming regularly, but most of them have moved away :(

A little while ago I had a conversation with a friend of mine who asked me who was at the S.A.F.E. walk/run. My answer, mostly college students, a few families, mostly women, and several men. However, most of the people who came to our table were women.

*There was the guy who wore a t-shirt that said "Ending abuse one step at a time"... he ran the 5K barefoot! That was awesome :)

Anyways, my friend replied, "Its really hard to get men involved."

After that conversation I started evaluating the different meetings and events that I have been involved with...

Jubilee meetings: Currently, no men
RIPPLE meeting: (Group of NC service providers who are working on a plan to combat trafficking in the state)... at the meeting yesterday, 3 men, 15-20 women
S.A.F.E. Walk/Run: I would say 75% women
Conferences/Seminars: 80% women
Hope House Workers/Staff: Only 1 man
Hands that Heal Training: 3 men, 40 women

Okay, so I will stop there, but my point is... Whatever we do to support survivors of trafficking is wonderful and necessary, but without combating demand and changing the stereotypes that are out there, there will always be more victims. In order to change anything in the trafficking world I think more men need to be involved.

If you are a male, what would keep you from being involved in work towards ending trafficking?

*Side Note: David Batstone with the Not For Sale campaign is very effective and it is exciting to this organization thrive.

What do we need to do to appeal to men?

Empowered...

2009-03-25T08:34:00.003-04:00

Unfortunately, I didn't have my camera with me at all this past weekend. One of my best friends, Charlotte, came into town to visit and like usual, we had a blast!

I will venture to say that "empowered" is the word for the week.

Charlotte, Jessica & I had a conversation on Friday evening about our financial states. Charlotte thinks women should be in the 'know' and take active roles in their family financial planning. I hate being involved in the nitty gritty of finances. It is annoying to me and there are too many little details...

But, on Friday I opened an IRA to roll my old Impact Athletics 401k into. Yes, I haven't done anything with this for the 5 years since I stopped working there... can you tell how much I love dealing with these things? Anyways, I opened an account with good ol Chuck! Charlotte asked me if I felt empowered... I said "no"... its just something else that I had to do and would prefer for Matt to do it so that I could take another walk with someone or have another coffee appointment where we talk about feelings!! Thankfully we soon changed the subject and went to get our nails done...

Then, on Monday I had a phone convo with Robert Courts. He was hilarious and very helpful in helping me to work through our financing options for our upcoming construction project. At the end of our conversation he told me I should feel empowered. There is the word again. This time I did feel empowered!

When Matt came home I explained what I learned and he told me that it was very helpful and thanked me for having that conversation. I'm not quite sure what the difference is between the 2 instances...

More empowering moments from the weekend:

Running a 10K to advocate for a Sexual Assault Free Environment
Driving a large mini van through Raleigh and not crashing it
Crying
Taking my time between events on Saturday because I needed down time (letting go of being on time).
Making it through dinner at Hayes Barton cafe with out wine or beer or liquor!
Taking naps 2 days in a row
Soaking in the sunshine

My list goes on and on... what makes you feel empowered?

A glimpse through God's eyes

2009-03-25T08:24:00.004-04:00

Last year I had a conversation with a friend where I told her how much I wanted to hear from God and to see the world the way that God does. I wanted the clarity and conversation with my creator that I saw her having. I thought maybe those experiences only happened to 'special' people... now, I think I was wrong.

I starting asking for this.

Then, on Sunday during worship at church (about a year later), I began to cry... my tears were a mixture of anguish and hopefulness for people around me, close friends and family members who God is longing to extend his love to in uncomprehending ways. I felt a sweetness because it was a glimpse through God's eyes, and I felt anguish because I began to recognize how much God cries with longing for us to know him.

It is a beautiful to see this. It is humbling. Now I pray that it happens more and more.

Keep praying. God answers.

Competitions are fun!

2009-03-20T09:13:00.002-04:00

So over the past few years I have given my husband a hard time about playing fantasy sports. I just didn't get it... I still don't get it completely and think it would probably get old (at least to me) after checking espn.com over and over again. *

But, last night I found myself itching to know how my bracket was doing for the NCAA tournament. Thanks Shannon!

Before I left for home group last night I was ranked #1 and as of this morning I am down to sharing the 11 spot with several others. I think I will be checking the updates and watching games more during this March Madness than I have in the past.

Who did you pick to win? Go Memphis!

*I also realize that fantasy sports have a dimension of strategy that would potentially keep things interesting.

On Following Jesus

2009-03-17T11:51:00.003-04:00

Here is a quote from The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis. It is an allegory where Aslan (a lion) is the Christ figure...

p. 64

When Susan and Lucy ask the Beavers if Aslan is "safe", they are told: "Safe?" said Mr. Beaver... "Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."

The journey of faith is anything but safe, but it is good. It is challenging, it is worth it!